Help

I want to scream. I want to rip myself a part. I want to tear out my hair. I feel like a million pieces. and I wish I looked the part.

I want to tell everyone to fuck off. Because no one understands. I want to tell everyone to shut the hell up. Because their petty lives don't matter. And I know that's not fair. But I don't give a fuck. I want everyone to leave me alone.

But I'd also want just one person, just one, to look at me and say "I know you're a mess. I know the smiles and the laughter is just pretend. I know."

I don't know how to deal with all of this. Mamma, I need you. Why aren't you here to help me through this?