Chaos

I had a melt down at work today. I just had enough of people behaving like children (despite being substantially older than me). and just being random idiots. And it all just became too much. No one is giving me any information concerning if my job will be extended or not. They just keep being vague and non-commitall. I wish they'd just tell me. And they act as if the whole world is going under because of a birthday party for one of the councillors that got out to the local media and had to be decreased in size. I just sat in my office and stared at my computer screen and felt the tears coming. The one person who would understand the craziness of work is not here. I can't tell her.

Because she is dead. The one person who I want to tell. Who I tell everything to.

Told everything to.

This whole talking in past tense thing. I don't like it. Actually, I hate it.

There's chaos everywhere. But most of all inside of me. Chaos. And emptiness. It's like I told a colleague today. Everything would be so much easier to handle if I wasn't also carrying around this giant dark hole inside of me. It's like everything has a new dimension added to it which makes it all so much harder.

I'm fed up. And angry. I am so freakin angry.