19th of November

The 20th of June 2013 was a lovely, perfect summer day in Sweden. It was a Thursday. The day before Midsummer's Eve, one of the largest holiday's in my country. My best friend Lina and I had been on a small trip to a town called Hjo. It's about an hour's drive away from my hometown. It's a cute, old town by the second largest lake in Sweden. We had lunch there. We walked along the pier. We sat by the water. Laughing. Talking. Enjoying being together again after not having seen eachother since April. We had ice cream. We walked through the park. And we drove on small winding roads back home laughing at the strange names of small villages. She dropped me off down the street and I walked up the hill to my house. I knew straight away something was wrong.

I walked around the house to the verandah and saw both my parents sitting there just staring at eachother. My mum said they had some bad news. And then she said the words which changed my life for forever. Which changed all of our lives for forever.

"I have cancer. And it's not looking good."

17 months later my mum was lying in her bed, at home. We had just helped her into bed. She was too weak to move on her own. Earlier in the evening she had requested that all her siblings come, so they did. And they sat around her talking memories from their childhood. And my mum was too tired and weak to say anything, but once in a while she would open her eyes and smile. Or make a comment. They left around 8 pm. It was around 9.30 pm when she was in bed. I went to say good night to her and she started pulling away her duvet. I asked her what she wanted, what she was doing. And then I asked her, do you want to hug me? She looked up at me and said "hug you". Those were the last words she ever said to me. I went to bed thinking that we had gotten through another day. In the morning when I got up, just before 8, my dad called me. "Lisa, get your brother." And I knew. We sat around her, I held her hand. She looked at us. And I told her that it was okay. That we'd be fine, because she has trained us well. And then she was gone.

And since that day the world has been empty, and lonely, and cold.