Things that matter

Late night messaging with a dear friend.
A loving aunt calling asking to play golf.
Neighbours checking up on me.

Things that make me feel less alone.
It's good to be reminded that while I sometimes feel very lonely in all of this. I know I'm not. I know you're all out there.

So I am now off to spend four-five hours with the best of the best. With two people who love me unconditionally. Two people who, I know, would do anything for me. Two people who have known me my whole life. Two people who vowed to take care of me if something were to happen to my own parents. They truly have stepped up.

Sunshine. Golf. Aunt. Uncle. Aka godparents. It's turning out to be a good Saturday.

Things to spend money on

I had yesterday off,

that meant:

no reading for classes

no reading for essays

no writing essays

no visits to the library

no visit to campus

no feeling guilty about not doing any of the above things.

Instead,

I went into town.

And yes, I went shopping crazy.

The best thing I bought, by far,

were a pair of red jeans.

I L.O.V.E them.

They are definitely one of the best things I have spent money on since I returned here after the summer,

just losing by a small margin to my tatoo,

which I also love.

And the good thing with that is,

that unlike my new, wonderful pair of jeans,

the tatoo will last me a life time.

The jeans, sadly enough,

probably won't.

The jeans are from Zara, as is this photo.

All Saints Day

Light a candle for someone you miss.
This is the day when we remember you.
We laugh at the jokes you once told,
and smile at the memories you gave us.

Light a candle for someone you love.
It will scatter the darkenss.
We close our eyes and see you in our minds,
and in our hearts we embrace you.

Light a candle today, it's that time of year.


(Photo by Ian Britton)

Grandmother

She looks at me with her wise eyes,
kind, warm, loving.
She wrappes her wrinkly fingers around my hand,
gentle, soft, caring.

I look into her clear eyes,
they have always had traces of age,
atleast to me.

I hold onto her cold fingers,
they have always sent out strength,
atleast to me.

She would always look down on me,
patiently play game after game.
And I would laugh, and feel loved.

I now look down on her,
patiently listening to every word she says.
Sending out the message of happiness, and love.

It might be the last time I ever hear her voice...


This one is for you my beloved grandmother. Happy 86th birthday. I hope the end will never reach us.

It all begins somewhere

I look up, and see your eyes.
I go to sleep, and I hear your voice.
I close my eyes, and my head is on your shoulder.

The notion of what could have been.
The feeling of what is not.

Yes.
I miss you.

It's just a crush

The words still echo in my mind.
It's just a crush.
They went straight to my heart.
Apparently it wasn't important.
It meant nothing.

The words still cut my soul.
It's just a crush.
Does it not have to start somewhere?
Just one small step, to being with.
But apprently it did not mean anything.

The words still bring out a tear.
It's just a crush.
Not worthy of recognition.
An illusion of some sort.
It still hurts.


(Pitcture from http://lovegraphics.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/barbed-wire-heart.gif)

Scared

I am scared.
To let you in.
To open the door, and tell you everything.
To hear you speak and know that it is everything.

I am scared.
To open up.
To let you see me, all of me.
To allow you to be that on special person.

I see the people around me.
The pain they suffer, the tears they cry.
I see their desperation, their dependence.
The look of panic when everything falls apart.

I don't think I can do that.
But I'm scared of being alone too...