That person

Some people don't even have to be there in order to make a difference. Just by being who they are, wherever they are, they are special. That's the people you should hang on to. I have a few people like that. Whom are all further away than I'd like. But they still make me smile. Even without doing anything. I will see you soon. Two weeks and three days to be exact.

I hope you know how much I love you.

Things that matter

Late night messaging with a dear friend.
A loving aunt calling asking to play golf.
Neighbours checking up on me.

Things that make me feel less alone.
It's good to be reminded that while I sometimes feel very lonely in all of this. I know I'm not. I know you're all out there.

So I am now off to spend four-five hours with the best of the best. With two people who love me unconditionally. Two people who, I know, would do anything for me. Two people who have known me my whole life. Two people who vowed to take care of me if something were to happen to my own parents. They truly have stepped up.

Sunshine. Golf. Aunt. Uncle. Aka godparents. It's turning out to be a good Saturday.

Fancy visit

Last weekend two of my dear friends came and visited from London. It was a weekend of excursions and fun and laughs and reminiscing. Here are some photos from the weekend.

Göta Kanal. Where my grandparents live and where my mum grew up.

Beautiful weather!

And we went to Läckö Slott. A castle on an island in Lake Vänern. Vänern is the biggest lake not only in Sweden, but in the European Union!

Closing down

I can feel myself doing it. I know the patterns so well. Been through it so many times before. The saying goodbye. The leaving. The packing. The ending. In my head I am mentally closing down my English life. And I am pulling away. Being distant. More so with some than with others. It terrifies me that my closest friends here will go on with their lives like normal. Their lives won't end just because I am leaving. That'd be stupid. But that doesn't make it easier. So instead, I am shutting down. Pulling away. Because that's easier. So much easier. Because I will miss them terribly. And I am not quite sure how I will do all of this without them. I can't get it into my head that I won't be sitting here on the sofa with D next week and do nothing together. We have seen each other almost every day for over a year. Almost. And now I won't. Can't imagine it.

So if I seem cold. Or quiet. Or distant.

This is why. I am saying goodbye.

My day

Today is the first time since 2008 that I'm home for my birthday.

By home I mean my parents house in Skövde. 

The house that has been 'home' my whole life,

regardless of if I've lived here or not.

I've lived more of life in other places than this beautiful house,

but this is where I get that feeling of 'home' when I open the door.

It's nice to get to be here today.

And to have a traditional birthday, with the grandparents,

and lots of cake.

I also got a feeling of Notts as I talked to two of my lovely friends over there around 1am.

Which was midnight over there, which meant I got some birthday wishes from over there too.

That was a great start to this 25th birthday of mine 

(now that I've reached it 25 doesn't seem that old anymore)

Now I'm going to meet up with the best person there is.

My beautiful, amazing best friend.

We're going for coffee.

Like we did last year on my birthday.

It's going to be a good day.

Essays are handed in
Suitcase is packed.
The sun is shining.
That means one final night with the library crew,
but with one big difference,
we won't be in the library!

I'm excited to go home,
but I'm gonna miss this place.

It's not that bad

I just wanted to say the magic words.

Because no matter how stressful this time of year is.

Three major deadlines within one week.

It's stressful, it's horrible, it's borderline inhumane.

But still.

Despite all this.

I think of the past week,

and it's been long days in the library.

It's been hard work.

But still.

There's been so much laughter.

There's been so many stupid conversations.

There's been so much happiness.

There's been so many friends.

When all this is over.

When I stand there with my degree.

These are the days I will remember,

and look back at with a smile on my face.

The long, difficult hours in the library.

With good, lovely, amazing friends helping me through it.

We keep each other sane,

or we help to make each other crazy.

No matter what,

we're in it together.

And I love them for it,

every single one.

.

I looked into your eyes,

and I realised that you're more important to me than I ever knew.

It's weird, isn't it.

How you don't even know which ones are the important ones,

but at times it hits you.

Which ones are the good ones.

Like when you come into a room,

and when you see their face a smile spreads.

A warm feeling.

It's pretty nice,

I have to say.

Roller coaster

Sunday was a below average day.

Monday was a really, really difficult day.

Yesterday was above average.

Today has been good.

I wish the roller coaster would end.

But at least the highs are more regular than the lows now.

Looking back,

seeing where I'm coming from.

That's something to be grateful for.

And thank you,

to all of you who make a difference.

I'd probably be under my desk if it wasn't for you.

(Photo from the Outer Banks, North Carolina)

New times

You know what's nice?
When you walk around on campus and bump into people you can stop and chat to for a while.
In other words, it's a nice feeling to make new friends.
No one can replace you, ever,
but at the same time, we move on.
Just like everyone else.

I think it will be a good year :)

A good day

You know when the wind stops blowing,
the soil dries up,
and the coldness goes away from your cheeks?
When the sun breaks through the clouds,
the fog disappears,
and the air you breath is clean and fresh?
When the silence in the car is relaxing,
the speed is comfortable,
and the friend next to you makes all the difference?

That is what I call a good day.










Photo was taken this September on a trip to the Swedish island of Öland with my dear best friend. Truly one of the best days this summer.

Sunshine

New friends in new, interesting classes.
Dinner with an old, good friend in town.
Several glasses of wine with housemate number 1.
A long, random, wonderful conversation with housmate number 1 and 2.
Laughter.
Joy.
Happiness.

On days like these
the dark clouds seem far away.

Things change

I expect to bump into you,
I look for your face.
I take out my phone and get ready to text you.
That's when I remember that you're not here anymore.
It's not like you're GONE with capital letters,
but still.
I look for you,
and you're not here.
It's strange.
And quite sad.

For everyone who needs it

You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow.

And yes, especially to you my dear friend.
Life wouldn't be the same without you.


(The song? It's Cyndi Laupers True Colours.)

A deserted island

I close my eyes and see your faces.
My wonderful parents,
and amazing brother.
My cousins whom are more like brothers.
My dear math geek friend, whom I haven't seen for several years.
You, who changed me for ever and whom I will never see again.
My best friend struggling through life with me.
My oldest friend, always and forever the girl next door.
You, whom I never talk to, or see anymore, but whom followed me through my moves and was always there.
New faces enter as well.
People I consider family.
You, whom I shared endless conversations with that kept me going when things were at its worst.
And you, whom I will never forget, but probably never see again.
My dear German, who knows everything there is to know.
My hero, whom left me years ago but I still see in my dreams.

I wish I could place you all on a deserted island, together, forever.
I'm sick of missing the people I love.

Facts

It's amazing to realise that even when you're gone most of the time,
you're not forgotten. Instead, you're included and thought of.
I hope you all know how much that means.

Complete joy

To hear the voice of a dear friend,
and hear the happy news she brings.
To hear her laugh of happiness,
when that hasn't been heard for so long.
To understand the shocked joy that has come over her,
and its significance.

It brings me complete joy,
and I couldn't be more proud.

It's life

Glasses with colourful drinks.
The sun slowly moves across the sky.
Smoke from the bbq fills the air.
Voices are loud, and laughter is frequent.

Old friends, new friends.
Coming together at one of those rare occasions when they are all at the same place, at the same time.

It's summer, it's happiness.
It's laughter, it's memories.
It's comfort, it's catching up.

It's life, and it's beautiful.

(Picture from http://www.stugbasen.com/objekt/6581.jpg)