.

I looked into your eyes,

and I realised that you're more important to me than I ever knew.

It's weird, isn't it.

How you don't even know which ones are the important ones,

but at times it hits you.

Which ones are the good ones.

Like when you come into a room,

and when you see their face a smile spreads.

A warm feeling.

It's pretty nice,

I have to say.

How lovely it was

I learned a couple of things this past week,

like how England never feels further away than when you're in Sweden.

And how wonderful it is to sit around a dining table having a conversation with your grandmother, after not knowing if you'd ever see her again.

And how amazing my parents are for always, always, always being there. And how grateful I am that they accepted my tattoo, no questions asked.

Every time I go home, the feeling of wanting to leave shrinks a bit more.

Happy

In 15 minutes I'm going to take the bus to the bus station.

In 90 minutes I am going to hop on the coach taking me to the airport.

In 8 hours I am going to board the plane.

In 10 hours I am going to touch ground.

In 12 hours I am going to get off the train,

and have lunch with my mum.

And then we'll head home.

I cannot get the smile off my face.

Truth

No,

I'm not doing that great right now.

Yes,

I'm struggling.

Thoughts in the dark

When you sit on the floor,

hiding from everything.

Tears rolling down your cheeks,

and the world feels scarier than in a long time.

When you stare out the window,

wishing you could run away,

from the person that you've become.

And your life feels lonelier than in a long time.

When you shake uncontrollably,

thinking that this is better than not feeling anything.

Realising that they're wrong,

and hoping they will see it too.

When the candle in the window goes out,

the darkness surrounds you.

The world is out there,

and all you want to do is push it as far away as possible.

I'm coming home

Since I have probably the best mum in the world,

I am going on a quick visit to Sweden in two weeks time,

or actually, a week and a half.

Friday to Wednesday in the lovely place that I call home.

Inevitably, as soon as I bought the plane ticket yesterday I've started making a mental list of things to do and what to eat:

• Switch on the heating on the veranda, curl up in the hammock and read a book.
• Fika! Several times, every day. If you don't know what it is, google it! It's Swedish amazingness.
• Sit at the dining table making really bad jokes with my dad.
• Go see my grandma and giver her the bigges hug ever. Just cause she's old and perfect.
• Take a trip into town and walk around just taking in the Swedishness of it all.
• Eat the traditional, local sausage with mashed potatoes.
  
• Play with my baby cousin (who is 18 years old and not a baby anymore. But we still play, and laugh like to little kids when we meet).

In other words, it's going to be absolutely amazing. And since I won't be home for Christmas this year, this is definitely going to be precious :)

I took this photo last Christmas. Time will tell if this is what I'll be greeted with in ten days!

I love you

I have this memory,

from when I was around 9-10 years old.

We lived in Norway back then,

away from family.

In a new culture, trying to find our way on our first living abroad experience

(there's been plenty after that, moving is second nature to me by now).

One day my mum came and told me that the circus was coming to town,

and that if I wanted to we could go.

If I wanted to? What kind of question was that?

Of course I wanted to!

And then she said the magic words,

the words that has made this event stick in my head like few other memories have.

It was just going to be me and dad.

My brother was going to stay at home,

because mum thought it'd be good for us to have some time alone,

just me and dad.

I loved it.

I was in heaven.

Just me and dad.

No homework to be done.

No brother calling for attention.

It was a great day.

We bought popcorn,

and laughed at the clowns.

It was such a perfect day.

Now, living in a different country than my parents, I often think back to those days.

When it was just me and them, and my brother.

And I remember days like that,

with just me and my dad.

And it makes me want to buy the first plane ticket home.

Just to have one more day like that,

just me and my dad.

Things to spend money on

I had yesterday off,

that meant:

no reading for classes

no reading for essays

no writing essays

no visits to the library

no visit to campus

no feeling guilty about not doing any of the above things.

Instead,

I went into town.

And yes, I went shopping crazy.

The best thing I bought, by far,

were a pair of red jeans.

I L.O.V.E them.

They are definitely one of the best things I have spent money on since I returned here after the summer,

just losing by a small margin to my tatoo,

which I also love.

And the good thing with that is,

that unlike my new, wonderful pair of jeans,

the tatoo will last me a life time.

The jeans, sadly enough,

probably won't.

The jeans are from Zara, as is this photo.

They call it poetry,

I walked into the book shop today,

five floors filled with stories

and tales and words. Beautiful

words that can fill an empty life

in a heart-beat.

I bought a book today, and now

I don't know how I ever lived without it.

No

it's not the Bible.

But it might as well be called that,

instead its name catche the very essence

Of the purpose of everything.of me.

Because isn't it what we're all trying to do,

one breath at a time,

one step at a time.

Staying Alive.

It's all I've ever wanted.

Now I look at it, and

realise that I have found my own bible.

Because isn't that what faith is

all about?

Finding our own way,

our own reasons,

for putting that one foot in front of the other?

I always knew words were powerful,

but tonight,

they've gotten new meanings, and new

power.

Roller coaster

Sunday was a below average day.

Monday was a really, really difficult day.

Yesterday was above average.

Today has been good.

I wish the roller coaster would end.

But at least the highs are more regular than the lows now.

Looking back,

seeing where I'm coming from.

That's something to be grateful for.

And thank you,

to all of you who make a difference.

I'd probably be under my desk if it wasn't for you.

(Photo from the Outer Banks, North Carolina)

Stamp on the fore head

Have you ever been sitting in a public space looking at other people wondering if anyone of them are battling a depression?
If they sit there with their coffee laughing with their friends,
while feeling like the world is falling apart on the inside?
If they sit there with their sophisticated book,
not really reading the words because the darkness is too heavy?

I never feel more alone than in those moments.
When I sit there, surrounded by people,
but feeling as if everything around me is crashing head first into the ground.
I wish it showed on people,
like a stamp on the fore head.
Just so I knew,
I wouldn't come up and speak to you,
I promise, I wouldn't.
It's not like I would want everyone to know my insides either.
But sometimes it would just be nice to know that the words people always tells me are actually true.
You are not alone.

Hey little fighter

Please bring me another tequila,
I don't need a sober day just yet.
I don't wanna try to get up,
there's a dark cloud over my head.

I don't need another umbrella,
I'm already wet from head to toe.
There's no need to wear a sweater,
I'm way too deep in the cold.

Hey little fighter,
soon it will be brighter,
we're over the stormy end.
I'll find another one to make it better,
some day in the ruins we made.

You don't need a guide to help you,
I know you'll be fine when the winds calm down.
I'll be brave but being without you,
I'll have a storm in my heart.

Hey little fighter,
soon it will be brighter,
we're over the stormy end.
I'll find another one to make it better,
some day in the ruins we made.
Hey little baby,
my heart will be aching with scars from the stormy end.
I might recover as someone else's lover
and stay away from the rain.

It's all done,
the sky's getting clear.
So break away from the storm my love,
we can't take it back anymore,
we can't make it right anymore, oh no.

Hey little fighter,
soon it will be brighter,
we're over the stormy end.
I'll find another one to make it better,
some day in the ruins we made.
Hey little baby,
my heart will be aching with scars from the stormy end.
I might recover as someone else's lover
and stay away, and stay away from the rain.


Sunrise Avenue makes amazing music. They help.

Escaping

You know what the worst thing about living in a different country than your family?
Apart from all the obvious reasons?
That I can never escape.
I see people go home for the weekend,
see their families,
get away from it all if only for a couple of days.
I can never do that.
And it sucks.

Right now

I was going to write about it,
how it is right now.
How it's been good for a while,
but how it feels like my brain is catching up with me.
The evil part of my brain that is.
My life right now,
revolves around three things.
Lectures.
Essays.
Society I'm the president of.
So in a way,
I guess my life revolves around one thing.
Uni.
And it's getting to me,
I can feel it.
I want to breathe.
To relax.
But I guess I can do that when I graduate.
It's scary though,
that it's getting to me.
Not just that I'm stressed,
but that it gets into my head.
In the worst way possible.
And the solution?
Bury myself even deeper in work,
and pretend it's not happening.

Yeah, that might not be helping...

Words

Do you see the way I stare into nothing?
How the sun is falling and the stars are rising?
The flags are blowing in the wind,
wondering when the rain will fall.
The candle has run out of time,
it's taken its last breaths.
The leaves are blowing up to storm,
and they are changing colour too.
The streams run as fast as they can,
trying to avoid drowning in themselves.
The flowers have gone to warmer places,
they migrated as the air turned cold.
Roads are turned into mud,
streets become ice,
houses grow cold.
And in the mist of it all,
I stare,
into nothingness

Don't sit in silence

We have
The chance to turn the pages over
We can write what we want to write
We gotta make ends meet, before we get much older

We're all someone's daughter
We're all someone's son
How long can we look at each other
Down the barrel of a gun?

You're the voice, try and understand it
Make a noise and make it clear
Oh-o-o-o, whoa-o-o-o!
We're not gonna sit in silence
We're not gonna live with fear
Oh-o-o-o, whoa-o-o-o!

This time
We know we all stand together
With the power to be powerful
Believing, we can make it better

Oooooooh,
We're all someone's daughter
We're all someone's son
How long can we look at each other
Down the barrel of a gun?...

You're the voice, try and understand it
Make a noise and make it clear
Oh-o-o-o, whoa-o-o-o!
We're not gonna sit in silence
We're not gonna live with fear
Oh-o-o-o, whoa-o-o-o!



John Farnham's song You're the Voice seems appropriate right now.

New times

You know what's nice?
When you walk around on campus and bump into people you can stop and chat to for a while.
In other words, it's a nice feeling to make new friends.
No one can replace you, ever,
but at the same time, we move on.
Just like everyone else.

I think it will be a good year :)

Write. Speak. Share.

The pen is said to be the most powerful weapon,
And when people get imprisoned, and even murdered, because of it,
we realise that that is actually true.

Tomorrow the trial against two Swedish reports in Ethiopia starts. They are being charged on grounds of terrorism. They were investigating the current regime and also oil companies in the region. Everyone should take a look at Reporters Without Borders. Without reporters, we become victims of the powerful. Without reporters, there is no one out there fighting for the right to tell the truth, and spread it.

So write about it. Speak about it. Share it.
Thank you, to all reporters out there for doing your job. I am very grateful for it.



The picture is from the organisation PEN, a worldwide association of writers.

Yes please

Home is where the heart is,
the question is,
where is the heart?

Like a day on the beach

Today was a good day,
it's been like the feeling you get from looking at this photo.

It wasn't a special day in any way,
it was just a very good day.

The photo was taken on Christmas Day 2009 at the Tulum ruins in Mexico.

A good day

You know when the wind stops blowing,
the soil dries up,
and the coldness goes away from your cheeks?
When the sun breaks through the clouds,
the fog disappears,
and the air you breath is clean and fresh?
When the silence in the car is relaxing,
the speed is comfortable,
and the friend next to you makes all the difference?

That is what I call a good day.










Photo was taken this September on a trip to the Swedish island of Öland with my dear best friend. Truly one of the best days this summer.

Facts

Somedays life just isn't a walk in the park,
even if you do actually go for a walk in the park.
Or a drive through paradise.

The photo is taken on Isla Cozumel, Mexico. On this particular December day 2009, life actually was a walk in the park. In its truest sense. It wasn't a good day. It was a great day. I long for that day.

Walk

I went for a walk to avoid the silence in my head.
I put in my headphones and turned up the volume,
trying to scare the monsters away.

It didn't really work.
But at least I go some fresh air.

We all have them

You know those days when you just lie around doing nothing?
There's no point in lying, we all have them.
No alarm in the morning.
No plans for the day.
Except doing as little as possible.
Without feeling guilty about it.
Without justifying it to anyone.
Not even yourself.
You know which days I'm talking about.
The days when suddenly it's six o'clock in the evening,
and you're still in your pyjamas.
But it's okay,
because you never planned to leave bed today.
You're plan was to allow yourself to do nothing.
And when these days coincide with a day that has no trace of darkness,
I'm in heaven.

Sunshine

New friends in new, interesting classes.
Dinner with an old, good friend in town.
Several glasses of wine with housemate number 1.
A long, random, wonderful conversation with housmate number 1 and 2.
Laughter.
Joy.
Happiness.

On days like these
the dark clouds seem far away.

Waiting...

Waiting for someone here to say something
Waiting to show everyone what I have gotten
Waiting for the eyes to open up

Hoping everyone here will forget me

A night in a big city
A morning with snow
Someone thinks he is hated
Someone is waving farewell

One day more, then can't something be the way I want it to
One day more in a place where everything stands still

Hoping someone in here has understood
Hoping for a fire in the kings castle

I want someone to call and say hi
I want you to run of longing to me

One day more, then can't something be the way I want it to
One day more in a place where everything stands still

Searching after people whom are like me
Understand that thousand of us are born every day

I want someone to call and say hi
I want you to run of longing to me

One day more, then can't something be the way I want it do
One day more in a place where everything stands still

I have not written this. I've just translated it. It's originally a song called Väntar (waiting) by a Swedish group called Raymon & Maria, and they only sing in Swedish. But the lyrics of this song are pretty close to my own words sometimes so I thought I'd share a translated version of it.

Dealing with it

She decided to open her eyes and look out the window,
instead of just always looking inward.
She decided to take deep breaths,
instead of just gasping for air like a sinking dog.
She decided to let her shoulders drop,
instead of suffer through extreme tension.
She decided to deal with everything,
instead of pretending that everything was fine.

It lasted five whole minutes.
And then she fell back onto the bed.
Drained.
Exhausted.
Empty.

It's tiresome to get to grips with yourself.

Things change

I expect to bump into you,
I look for your face.
I take out my phone and get ready to text you.
That's when I remember that you're not here anymore.
It's not like you're GONE with capital letters,
but still.
I look for you,
and you're not here.
It's strange.
And quite sad.

Facts

There is always hope,
or so I'm being told.

The joy of travel books

I love the Lonely Planet guide books. Whenever I go somewhere for a longer time (more than a week in other words) I try and get hold of the LP so I can read up on what to do before I head off.

LP are releasing a new edition of their Australia guide in November. And I've pre-ordered it from Amazon. I cannot wait to get my hands on it and plan my Christmas trip down there!

If anyone has any suggestions of things to get up while down under, let me know!

Travelholic

I'm starting a new 'topic' or whatever you want to call it. Everyone who knows me, knows that I travel a lot. A friend of my mum's told me this summer that they sometimes play "Where is Lisa now?" at the dinner table. And it's strange. Because I never think of myself as someone who has done a lot of things. Or as someone with a lot of experience. In fact, I usually feel pretty unexperienced. But then, when people tell me how ridiculous it is that I'm only 24 and have been to 26 countries it kind of hits me. I'm a travelholic.

It's not necessarily a good thing. I've been told that it's a fear of commitment. That by travelling I don't have to create long term relationships. And I know already from the beginning that I am going to 'lose' my friends, rather than walking around waiting for them to fall off the face of the earth for no good reason what so ever.

So yeah. I travel. And move. I love it. And I hate it. Because how amazing would it not be to just be home somewhere? To have a place you feel at ease with. A place where you can see yourself living for years and years and years. Not feeling the need to have to fly away ever again...


But anyway. I'm going to start writing more about travelling. Anything that involves travelling. Because honestly, I can't live without it. For better or worse.


I took this photo of a baby albatross on Isla Española in the Galapagos Islands on the 12th of December 2007.

Facts

They say Sweden is darker than England,
I'm no longer so sure.

Never assume

Do you see the boy sitting laughing with his friends in the library?
Big blue eyes, and a big, goofy smile.
He couldn't look happier.
But do you really know?

Look at the girl running around the lake.
She's not even panting, taking light steps.
She must be so proud.
But do you really know?

There's a quiet girl in my class.
She's smart, plenty of friends. Just not the kind of person who talks in class.
She's so normal, happy.
But do you really know?

It's always the ones you dont expect.
They're the ones who suffer the most.
Who cry themselves to sleep.
Who have to force themselves to get out of bed in the morning.
Never assume.
Because it hurts when people don't see.
Even though they don't want you to see.

Company in the dark

Is this the sound of our demise
Or just the opposite?
I love you and I miss you
What else is there to say?
It takes a hell of a lot more to complete this

Far more, far more to recreate
Far more, far more, far more, far more
Far more, far more than we can take

When you decide how much time
Do you let, do you let, do you let, do you let
Pass before
These false starts, these small meals
They're for my, for my starving hands
Just treading, just treading shallow waters
Avoiding the drop, the drop in the ocean floor

Far more, far more, far more, far more
Far more, far more than we possess
How much, how much, how much
How much longer, girl
How much longer do we need to wait?

For a moment when the blare of the tv subsides
And then song fills the air, playing every night
A change in the key feels like a change in the season

I pretend almost every, every other night
That this body and its entirety belongs to me, every breath
It comes and goes
It comes and goes
All night

Well, you can't dictate the way, the way I'm gonna feel
No matter what, no matter what I'm forced to see
I'll be the one free of jealousy

Far more, far more, far more, far more
Far more, far more than we can take
So well, so well, so well rehearsed
I coordinate this kind of mess

I love you and I miss you
What else is there to say?




The music is playing tonight. The Honorary Title keeps me company.

The truth

"Is this all in my head, or is it real?"
"Well of course it is in your head, but why in the world would that make you think it isn't real?"



A brilliant quote from a brilliant book.
Thank you J. K. Rowling for letting Dumbledore say those words...

To do, or not to do.....

There's a clash.
A class I want to take.
My weekly meetings which keep me a float, or at least did so last year.

If I say yes to the class, I might not get new appointments until spring.
But if I say no to the class, am I letting this dictate too much of my life?

I gave her a rose

I went to see her today.
My angel.
It was beautiful.
The rain stopped for the thirty minutes I spent with here,
and the sun broke through the clouds.
It felt good,
it felt right.
I'm happy I did it.
I'm happy I had the strength to go.
Next week it's been 7 years.
I cannot grasp that it's been that long.
2004, it said on her stone.
It feels like a life time ago,
and it feels like it was yesterday.

I felt calm when I left.
It was perfect,
or at least as perfect as it can be without you here.

Christmas plans are settled!

So, it seems like I'll be having Christmas 'down under' this year!! How amazing isn't that?
Going down for a friend's wedding, and then adding some exploring and chilling with good friends.

I feel a good year coming :)

In debt

I just did something I shouldn't have done.
I calculated what my student loans will be when I am done.
I got the decision from the Swedish student loan people today,
feels good though to know that (most likely) this is the last time I applied to them for a loan.
But this also meant that I could now actually find out exactly what my debt will be once I'm done in almost exactly 12 months.
And it made me feel sick, I thought I was going to throw up.
I knew I would have a very high debt, especially in Swedish terms since at home it's free to study at uni so people don't need to loan money for tuition.
I've been lucky enough to not have taken loans for the tuition fee for two of my four years of studies. I can only imagine how huge my debt would have been then.
It's scary, when you know that you're not really being educated to enter one of the high paid areas.
It's not like I'm studying business, or medicine, or law.
But oh well, it will all work out I guess.
I just have to keep telling myself it's an investment.








480,000SEK, which roughly equals £48,000.

Almost over

My last week at work here in Uganda.
And what am I doing?
Sitting at home.
It's cold,
or rather, I'm cold.
And I think my body has had enough of bumpy car rides and hours and hours by a desk cause my neck and back really hurt. Probably the walk home yesterday with a super heavy backpack that did the final push.
Atleast work went better than hoped yesterday and it shouldn't be too tricky to get the report finished by Friday even with today not doing anything.

I can count the number of days on one hand now.
4 days,
and then they are here.
Family, don't you just love it?

Happy times ahead

We haven't had electricity all day, until now.
Which has given me a lot of time to just lie in bed thinking about random things.
And I was struck by the fact that I am really looking forward going back to uni in September.
I'm excited about my classes.
I'm looking forward to going back to the gym.
I'm anxiously looking forward to being president of a society.
I'm so excited about moving into the new house with two of my closest friends.

All in all, I am so glad I am going back there. Not having to deal with the future or what to do with myself. It is nice to know, and it is nice that I am actually excited about it and looking forward to it.

I'm also excited about my family coming to Uganda to hang out with me for my last two weeks here. I cannot wait. It is now less than two weeks until they're here.

Questioning

I feel stupid.
Sitting here counting not days, but hours.
I'm supposed to be living the dream,
the African dream.
My dream.
International NGO work.
Instead,
I'm counting hours.

414. and 30 minutes.

Hate is a strong word, but sometimes the only word

Do you know what I hate? I never like it when people say they 'hate' someone. It's such a strong word, and the people you might hate, they rarely deserve you feeling anything toward them.

But I truly hate cockroaches. I have now had five in my kitchen/living room in the last hour. And I am freaking out. They're disgusting, they're fast, they're ugly, they're creepy, they're horrible. I hate them, I hate them, I hate them. I wa taught as a child that everyone plays a part. You know, the bees pollenate the flowers therefore we shouldn't kill them, etc etc. But cockroaches? What purpose do they fill more than absolutely, and completely, freak me out. I have been terrified of them ever since I at the age of 11 in a hotel in Bali came across one in the bathroom sink as I was about to spit out toothpaste from my mouth. The spitting turned into screaming. I refused to sleep in that room for several nights. Now though, my parents are not here to kill them for me. Or to hold my hand. I have to do it by myself. And you know what? It sucks! Sometimes it sucks being all grown up. I don't want to do this anymore. When nights like this happen I wonder why I didn't just stay in nice, safe, bug-free northern Europe. Yes, we have bugs. But we don't have cockroaches. Or bugs that might kill you.

I truly hate cockroaches. And I wonder if I'll be able to sleep tonight. I'm very grateful for my 'cockroach net' as I will call it from now on.

Our thoughts go to our neighbours

Oslo, you beautiful former home town oy mine. I grew up with you as my home. With you I experienced so much over the years. It pains me to see what you are now going through. I have faith in you though. If any nation is strong enough to deal with the horrors and suffering you are now experiencing, it is you. And we are with you, every step of the way. You're our neighbour, our friend, our brother. As for me, I cannot believe the streets I walked as a child today became a war zone. It's frightening, it's shocking. I just hope all the people I once went to school with, their families and their friends, that they're all okay. I only have sporadic contact with one person from my years in Oslo. It has been 13 years after all. But even though I haven't had contact with my other childhood friends for years, my thoughs go out to them. I hope they're all okay and safe...

Dear friend,

I am so glad that I have you.
We went through the most terrible thing together.
The moment that has shaped me into who I am,
for better or worse.
And while I would take that moment back in a heartbeat if I could,
as I know you would too,
it has given me so many things.
Our close friendship being one of them.
And to be able to talk about it with you,
and knowing that you understand.
That truly means everything.
I love you,
and I am so grateful that you are back in my life.

I love you

It's not like I'm not used to being far away from everyone.
I'm used to not being in daily contact with the people I love.
But somehow it seems extreme right now.

I'm lonely.
And I miss you.
And the only person that is attempting to shorten the distance between us right now is my mum.
And that means everything.
Thank you.

Yes

When I was born, they looked at me and said
what a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.
And when you were born, they looked at you and said,
what a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl.

We've got these chains that hang around our necks,
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same,
when temptation calls, we just look away.

This name is the hairshirt I wear,
and this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair.
This song is the cross that I bear,
bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me,
be with me tonight,
I know that it isn't right, but be with me tonight.

I go to school, I write exams,
if I pass, if I fail, if I drop out,
does anyone give a damn?
And if they do, they'll soon forget 'cause it won't take much for me
to show my life ain't over yet.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange.
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange
and everything around me stays the same.

I couldn't tell you that I was wrong,
chickened out, grabbed a pen and paper, sat down and I wrote this song.
I couldn't tell you that you were right,
so instead I looked in the mirror,
watched TV, laid awake all night.

We've got these chains, hang 'round our necks,
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same when temptation calls ...

When I was born, they looked at me and said;
What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.
And when you were born, they looked at you and said;
what a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl, hey




Nothing like a little Barenaked Ladies in the evening.

Finding the right rhythm

To sit and sip a good cup of coffee.
To listen to the sounds of daily life.
To look out over the great lake of Africa.
To smell the mix of burned rubbish, spices and fresh fruit.
To strole past children looking wide-eyed at you.
To never feel cold.
To just be,
and feel apart of it all.

I'm starting to feel at home here.
It's an incredible feeling.

Great music never dies

We starve-look
At one another
Short of breath
Walking proudly in our winter coats
Wearing smells from laboratories
Facing a dying nation
Of moving paper fantasy
Listening for the new told lies
With supreme visions of lonely tunes

Somewhere
Inside something there is a rush of
Greatness
Who knows what stands in front of
Our lives
I fashion my future on films in space
Silence
Tells me secretly
Everything
Everything

Manchester England England
Manchester England England
Eyes look your last
Across the Atlantic Sea
Arms take your last
embrace
And I'm a genius genius
And lips oh you the
doors of breath
I believe in God
Seal with a righteous kiss
And I believe that God believes in Claude
Seal with a righteous kiss
That's me, that's me, that's me
The rest is silence
The rest is silence
The rest is silence

Our space songs on a spider web sitar
Life is around you and in you
Answer for Timothy Leary, dearie

Let the sunshine
Let the sunshine in
The sunshine in
Let the sunshine

Let the sunshine in

One of my all-time favourite musicals. Worth every cent at Broadway. The movie is good enough, but can't be compared to real thing on stage. Hair. Music to the point.

Life in Uganda

I love being here, I truly do.
But sometimes it would be very nice with running water and electricity.

Travelling as I want it to be

Is it bad that I always seem to look around for new travel ideas when I'm already travelling?

I remember when I was in Ecuador in the fall of 2007. My brother was in the early stages of planning a trip of a life time, he just wasn't sure which one. We had conversation on msn and I kept telling him the same thing: "I want to go travelling aswell!" And he kept reminding me: "You're in ECUADOR! You are travelling."

And that always seems to be the case. Whenever I'm travelling the urge to travel grows even stronger. It's probably because while I'm travelling I realise how much I love it. And it might also be because when other's see me as 'away travelling' I'm really not. Not in my opinion. When I was in Ecuador, I stayed in Quito for four months. It became like home, and thus the travelling became restricted to the weekends. When I was in Mexico, I lived in Guadalajara for almost a year. While I did travel around Mexico, I went to school and lived the normal day-to-day life just like everyone else. And now, I'm in Uganda. And while I'm travelling quite a bit back and forth between the north and Kampala, I'm still working during the weeks. Not really travelling and exploring. And I shouldn't even mention England. That is as far away from travelling as is possible. It's home. It's where I live, just as much as Sweden. If not more.

I want to travel. I want to book a flight somewhere random. Pack my backpack. And just go. Not working. Not volunteering (although I recommend everyone to do that and I'd love to do it again at some point). Not studying. Just travel. Have a return flight from a place quite far away from the place I fly in to. And just make my way. Explore.

I guess that is why the roadtrip I did a year ago is so special to me. Well, one of the many reasons it is special to me. It was one of those trips that was pure travelling.

I can't wait for the day when I have the money and time to do that again.

So, it did happen

I'm feeling a bit weird. Not sure why. Well, I'm injured so that might be part of it.
I'm 'stuck' in Kampala, recuperating from an accident I had yesterday. So now I'm not really sure when I will be leaving. Was supposed to drive up north today, but that didn't happen. So now I'm sitting here. In my lovely apartment in Kampala with not much to do. Feeling a bit lonely, and wondering what will happen now. I think I will be heading up north on Sunday, feels like the most logic choice. But I'm not sure how I'll get there as the car left today... Do I take the bus? Will they send a car for me? (It's a seven/eight our drive.....) I'm confused. And in pain.

If anyone cares to know, I was hit by a car yesterday. While I was on a bodaboda (motorcycle taxi). We were stood still and the car was hit us from behind and I flew off. I returned home with a painful ass (it really hurts to sit...), some bruises all over my body in random places. And a minor concussion. Thus, I'm not on my way north. I will be fine in a couple of days, it was more the shock I think. But yeah, a bit scary. I will not be writing about this on my travelblog as I have decided to not tell my parents. I don't want to freak them out and have them worry more than they already do about the fact that I'm spending my summer in remote areas of Africa. I'll tell them when I get home :P

But yeah, so here I am. Recovering. I'm not supposed to move around too much due to the concussion, but I can't sit for too long because my ass hurts... Oh the dilemmas I face...

What I did a year ago

The photo is self-explanatory with regards to what I did a year ago today ;)
Central Park, New York City.

What I did a year ago

It's been a year since I met up with a close friend in NYC to have lunch,
after not having seen each other for a year.
Needless to say,
it was a good day.

What I did a year ago

A year ago I was being a tourist in NYC.

Where I drove a year ago

A year ago today we reached our final destination of the road trip of my life.
New York City.

What I did a year ago

A year ago we were two days away from our six week goal,
and Benji broke down.
Our day at the beach in Cape Cod never happened.

What I did a year ago

A year ago, today, I was on a whale safari while staying at Cape Cod.
Pretty amazing...

What I did a year ago

I was walking around in Cambridge, outside of Boston.
Before we took the car and drove to Cape Cod.

Where I spent my day a year ago

In park in Boston.

Where I was a year ago

It's been a year since we drove through five states in one day...
Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire and finally Massachusetts.

What I did a year ago

Washington DC is a great city to be a tourist in,
and that's what I was on this day last year.

Where I was a year ago

An evening strole through Washington DC,
after having driven all day from North Carolina.

Where I was a year ago

In a suburbian area of a town in North Carolina.

Where I spent my day a year ago

A beach in North Carolina.
It was a perfect day.

What I did a year ago

So, a year ago today I got to watch a minor league baseball game in North Carolina.
It was.....
Quite boring, to be honest.

What I did a year ago

A year ago I was shopping dresses with two dear friends in Columbia, South Carolina.
And then we drove to Greenville, North Carolina, to visit another dear friend.

What I did a year ago

I drove through the south of the US a year ago.
South Carolina was our goal,
and we passed through Alabama and Georgia to get there.
It was hot.

Where I was a year ago

Memphis skyline, oh how I love that city.

Taking off

I'm off to Uganda in just a couple of hours.
If you want to know what's going on,
check out my travel pod :)

I'll be there until the end of August so it might be quiet here for a while.
Or it might not.
But just to let you know.

Who I spent my day with a year ago

Today it's exactly a year since I was chillin' with Elvis at Graceland.

Where I was a year ago

A year ago today we arrived in Memphis,
One of my favourite US cities.

Where I was a year ago

Cotton fields of Mississippi.

Where I was a year ago

I was on the road, going from Oklahoma to Little Rock, Arkansas.
It was humid, very humid.

Not going anywhere

It's that time of the year.
When everything comes to an end.
You know what I'm talking about.
The feelings you go through at the end of something great.

This year is different though.
At this time of the year, for the last five years,
it's been the end of a chapter.
Be it high school,
work (twice!),
leaving for year abroad,
leaving my year abroad behind.
But not this time.
This time my end of exams (yay!),
the packing up of my room,
the farewells to friends.
It doesn't mean the end.
It just mean I'm going to be gone for a little while.
For a couple of months,
and then I'm back.
Come September,
and I'll be back in my dear England again.
So it's a different feeling than normally.
But it's nice.
It's very, very, very nice.
I should do this more often.

Where I drove a year ago

A year ago I was driving through Kansas, admiring the landscape and realising we were in the Bible Belt.

The relief

And just like that,
with one last effort,
I am done with my third year of university.
Which means, I guess, that technically I am no longer an undergraduate.
I'm a graduate. Kind of.
Weird.
But oh what a nice feeling.

Where I was a year ago

A year ago I spent two days doing absolutely nothing in a suburb to Denver.

Two more to go

I have two more exams to go. One today, and one tomorrow.
And then finally I can say that I've done three years of uni and is done with my undergrad.
Until then, this is my state of mind:

Where I drove a year ago

Today, a year ago, I was in four states.
Started in Idaho,
drove through Utah and Wyoming,
and ended up in Colorado.

The photo is from Wyoming.

Where I slept a year ago

A year ago I did not crawl into bed as I was about to fall asleep,
instead we pulled over the long, empty road somewhere in the state of Idaho.
We hung blankets over the windows,
and we actually slept like babies.

This is me

Studying for exams.
Saying good bye to dear friends.
Filling out paper work for next year.
Sorting out internship overseas.
Eating.
Sleeping.
Non-related issues that bring constant annoyance.

It's all building up.
I might turn into an erupting volcano any day now..

What I did a year ago

A year ago I had an amazing lunch at this cute coffee house somewhere along the Oregon coast heading toward Portland.

It's exam time

You know you should stop studying when you fall asleep while high-lighting,
and thus making your whole page very colourful.

What I did a year ago

A year ago I was stranded in the small town of Coos Bay in southern Oregon due to car trouble. They had an amazing sunset.

Mad World

All around me are familiar faces
worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very very, mad world, mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very very, mad world, mad world
Enlarge your world, mad world

I was told it's okay to be dark,
as long as you don't let it swallow you for all eternity.
Nights of darkness is not necessarily a bad thing,
by letting it you process it.
So I will curl up in my big, comfy chair.
I will listen to sad songs.
And I will miss you,
And I will let it wash over me,
like the old friend it has become.

FYI

I withdraw at the sight of danger,
or so I've been told.
I'm too sick of the pain,
to even allow me to go that far.

And yes,
I miss you every second of every minute of every day.
And that will never change.
Because in my heart I know that you should be here.
And I see a giant black hole where you used to be.

I move on natural instinct,
or so I've been told.
Fight or flight is my way of life.
But I'm too tired to fight,
so I flee.
In the other direction,
as fast as I possibly can.
Because I'm walking on the edge,
and have for quite a while.
And probably always will.

Just FYI.

What I did a year ago

Day 13:

On the 27th of May last year, I drove through tree. Literally.

What I did a year ago

Day 12:

Our second day in San Francisco we got to see the Golden Gate in all its glory.

Adding music

There's a guitar standing in the corner of my room.
I don't know how to play it.
But I like the look of it.
Think of all the stories it could tell,
if it was in the hands of someone who could get them out.
I always wished I could play an instrument,
words often sound better with music.
It gets so quiet otherwise.
Finding words that fit together isn't that difficult,
but finding notes that belong with eachother,
that's a whole other story.
But then again,
maybe that's just me.
The girl who always wished she could play,
or sing.
But no,
so instead,
I write.
Without the music.
Usually it works just as well,
it's just a bit quieter.

Pictures from a different time

Continuation with catching up the days from last year's drive.

Day 6:Grand Canyon, needless to say, it was amazing.

Day 7:
Yes, we took Route 66 to Vegas.

Day 8:
What can I say? It's Vegas.

Day 9:
The Pacific and Highway 1, roadtrips don't get better than this!

Day 10:Santa Cruz, California.

There we go! All caught up! As of tomorrow, there will be one photo a day. "Where I was a year ago"-style.

When the unreal happens

It's difficult.
I'm pushing it out of my mind as much as I can.
But it's difficult.
I'm trying to focus on exams,
revision.
But it keeps popping up.
In two weeks tomorrow,
I'll be at Heathrow waiting for my flight to take me away.
My African adventure.
Two and a half months.
I cannot believe it.

Travel memories

So, when I posted the photo from San Francisco I got really exited and started looking through my photos from the trip. So I'm going to start a little series and post one photo a day from the trip. The photo will be from exactly one year ago. I realise I am a couple of days behind as we did set off from Guadalajara on the 15th of May. So just not to miss out on anything I'll post several photos in the firsts posts just to catch up ;) It's going to be tough to just choose one picture from each day, but atleast it's not one photo from each state!

So here we go.

Day 1:

A fully packed Benji ready to head off for the great adventure!

Day 2:
We made ourselves comfortable and did a 15 hour drive all the way to Tucson.

Day 3:

17th of May was spent walking around the colourful city of Tucson.

Day 4:
Hiking in a park on the outskirts of Phoenix.

Day 5:
Driving from Phoenix to Flagstaff, through Red Rock County.