Did you hear the bird sing last night?
He was singing to you.
Did you listen to the bird last night?
He was telling you to slow down.
He sat on his branch and looked down,
and shook his little head.
He knew something you didn't.
And he begged for you to listen.
He saw the panic in your eyes.
He saw the fear in your face.
He felt the chaos within you.
He felt the loneliness taking over.
He wanted you to listen.
To remind you.
That even the smallest voice can change everything.
2010-12-27
2010-12-14
Finding me
By accident I clicked on the link, and as I started reading my eyes grew bigger and bigger. Never before had the truth stared me in the face as bluntly. It was the story of a girl. A girl that I immediately felt that it could have been me. It was as if someone had written down the story of my life, and my emotions surrounding it, into one small article. And then summed it all up in three small letters, TCK. Third Culture Kid. It was refreshing. It was fascinating. It was unbelievable. I had done it! I had found something I did not think existed. My childhood was a phenomenon, my state of mind was a 30 year study.
Every word, I could have written.
Every feeling, I could have felt.
Never had some one else put words to my life so well. So perfectly.
Never had I been as astonished at someone elses words. I'm normal after all, who knew!?
It was as if a piece of me fell into place.
Never had an article struck me so hard before.
Never had it hit the spot so well.
Never had I been able to relate to every single word written.
I'm still shocked. And amazed.
I need to get that book.
(Picture taken from DeviantArt, thanks!)
Every word, I could have written.
Every feeling, I could have felt.
Never had some one else put words to my life so well. So perfectly.
Never had I been as astonished at someone elses words. I'm normal after all, who knew!?
It was as if a piece of me fell into place.
Never had an article struck me so hard before.
Never had it hit the spot so well.
Never had I been able to relate to every single word written.
I'm still shocked. And amazed.
I need to get that book.
(Picture taken from DeviantArt, thanks!)
2010-12-10
One small gesture...
Look at the man walking the street,
he's eyes radiate loneliness.
Smile at him, that's all it takes.
See the young woman sitting by the water,
her soul has stopped sparkling.
Smile at her, that's all it takes.
Listen to that friend starring into space,
lost in a world too big to make sense of.
Hug them, that's all it takes.
One smile.
One hug.
Sometimes it doesn't take much.
he's eyes radiate loneliness.
Smile at him, that's all it takes.
See the young woman sitting by the water,
her soul has stopped sparkling.
Smile at her, that's all it takes.
Listen to that friend starring into space,
lost in a world too big to make sense of.
Hug them, that's all it takes.
One smile.
One hug.
Sometimes it doesn't take much.
2010-12-08
The Middle
Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.
Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.
Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.
A text I can't get out of my head lately. I keep listening to it over and over and over again. It speaks the truth. So if you want to listen to it rather than reading the lyrics, that I cannot claim any credit to what so ever, look for Jimmy Eat World's song The Middle.
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.
Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.
Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.
A text I can't get out of my head lately. I keep listening to it over and over and over again. It speaks the truth. So if you want to listen to it rather than reading the lyrics, that I cannot claim any credit to what so ever, look for Jimmy Eat World's song The Middle.
2010-12-07
Hope
As the lights were switched off the darkness embraced her.
But it wasn't scary or heavy like it had been for so long.
She turned toward her window, and saw the light.
And she realised the truth of what she long had believed.
Without darkness, there is no light.
And without light, there is no hope.
Therefore she let the candles burn while the darkness surrounded her.
A small smile was hiding in her face.
She took a deep breath,
And decided to stop running.
But it wasn't scary or heavy like it had been for so long.
She turned toward her window, and saw the light.
And she realised the truth of what she long had believed.
Without darkness, there is no light.
And without light, there is no hope.
Therefore she let the candles burn while the darkness surrounded her.
A small smile was hiding in her face.
She took a deep breath,
And decided to stop running.
2010-12-06
2010-12-03
With time
One day she woke up,
and decided that enough time had passed.
She realised that moving on,
is not the same thing as leaving behind.
She decided to never forget,
but always live.
and decided that enough time had passed.
She realised that moving on,
is not the same thing as leaving behind.
She decided to never forget,
but always live.
THE day
Can you remember when it all changed?
Can you point back to one single moment as life altering?
Can you say the date?
Do you remember where you were?
Do you remember who you were with?
Do you remember obscure details?
A month into the new school year.
We were young and carefree.
15th of September 2004.
We were sitting in room 112, I was in the back row.
Inbetween two poeple I'll never forget.
I had a headache that morning, was considering staying at home.
It was the worst day of my life.
But I have never been happier I went to school.
Do you think back and wonder where it all went wrong?
Do you think back wishing it had been different?
Do you think back asking why it had to happen to you?
Do you think back knowing that moment shaped the rest of your life?
I do.
Can you point back to one single moment as life altering?
Can you say the date?
Do you remember where you were?
Do you remember who you were with?
Do you remember obscure details?
A month into the new school year.
We were young and carefree.
15th of September 2004.
We were sitting in room 112, I was in the back row.
Inbetween two poeple I'll never forget.
I had a headache that morning, was considering staying at home.
It was the worst day of my life.
But I have never been happier I went to school.
Do you think back and wonder where it all went wrong?
Do you think back wishing it had been different?
Do you think back asking why it had to happen to you?
Do you think back knowing that moment shaped the rest of your life?
I do.
2010-12-01
The dragon, #4
Paul looked at the creature,
just like him it had two wings.
Just like him it was blue.
Just like him, it looked scared and confused.
Paul walked towards this stranger.
The other creature walked towards him as well.
And just as when they were about to meet,
Paul was stopped.
It was as if he couldn't take another step.
Whenever he tried he kept being pushed back.
He could see the other creature do the same thing.
Trying to get to him, but couldn't.
It started to hurt, the wall might be invisible, but it was as solid as a rock.
That was Paul's first encounter with a mirror.
just like him it had two wings.
Just like him it was blue.
Just like him, it looked scared and confused.
Paul walked towards this stranger.
The other creature walked towards him as well.
And just as when they were about to meet,
Paul was stopped.
It was as if he couldn't take another step.
Whenever he tried he kept being pushed back.
He could see the other creature do the same thing.
Trying to get to him, but couldn't.
It started to hurt, the wall might be invisible, but it was as solid as a rock.
That was Paul's first encounter with a mirror.
2010-11-28
The dragon, #3
Paul suddenly woke up, he wondered where he were.
Then he remembered what had happened, and he peeked out from the clothes.
He heard a loud noise, he looked around.
All other piles of clothes were gone, except the one he was hiding in.
He saw them in a weird machine that was spinning them around.
He jumped up and ran away from the clothes,
he did not want to end up in the scary machine.
He hadn't paid attention to where he was going when he ran away from the scary thing.
Now he looked around and realised he has entered a new world.
And as he looked around this strange new place, he saw something he had never seen before.
He was face to face with another creature that looked just like him!
Then he remembered what had happened, and he peeked out from the clothes.
He heard a loud noise, he looked around.
All other piles of clothes were gone, except the one he was hiding in.
He saw them in a weird machine that was spinning them around.
He jumped up and ran away from the clothes,
he did not want to end up in the scary machine.
He hadn't paid attention to where he was going when he ran away from the scary thing.
Now he looked around and realised he has entered a new world.
And as he looked around this strange new place, he saw something he had never seen before.
He was face to face with another creature that looked just like him!
2010-11-25
Like a child
Do you remember when you were a child,
I know, it's hard to do sometimes.
But think back. And remember that feeling,
the feeling of pulling away your curtains in the morning.
And finding a new world.
It was as if someone had covered the world with cotton,
or even better, cotton candy.
The grey, boring walks to school turned into an adventure.
There were snowmen greeting you,
and angels lying on the ground.
Do you remember the joy of jumping around?
Do you remember the laughter after a sleigh ride?
That cold, numb feeling after a night in the hill,
and coming home to a mug of hot chocolate.
It's like a distant dream.
Imagine getting to relive those feelings.
Once a year, I try to.
It's wonderful, it's calming.
It destresses you, it lets you relax.
It's magic.
At its very best.
It turns you into the child you once were, if only for a day.
(Photo taken by myself on a recent visit to Winter Wonderland)
I know, it's hard to do sometimes.
But think back. And remember that feeling,
the feeling of pulling away your curtains in the morning.
And finding a new world.
It was as if someone had covered the world with cotton,
or even better, cotton candy.
The grey, boring walks to school turned into an adventure.
There were snowmen greeting you,
and angels lying on the ground.
Do you remember the joy of jumping around?
Do you remember the laughter after a sleigh ride?
That cold, numb feeling after a night in the hill,
and coming home to a mug of hot chocolate.
It's like a distant dream.
Imagine getting to relive those feelings.
Once a year, I try to.
It's wonderful, it's calming.
It destresses you, it lets you relax.
It's magic.
At its very best.
It turns you into the child you once were, if only for a day.
(Photo taken by myself on a recent visit to Winter Wonderland)
2010-11-22
2010-11-20
Snow
I sit and look out my window.
A blanket is falling down from the sky.
It's white, and soft, and beautiful.
Once I used to look at it with disgust,
cursing it's existence over and over again.
Now, I cannot help but smile.
And welcome it with open arms.
Everything gets softer, quieter, calmer.
What once was dark, is now light.
What once was grey, is now white.
It's magic.
A blanket is falling down from the sky.
It's white, and soft, and beautiful.
Once I used to look at it with disgust,
cursing it's existence over and over again.
Now, I cannot help but smile.
And welcome it with open arms.
Everything gets softer, quieter, calmer.
What once was dark, is now light.
What once was grey, is now white.
It's magic.
2010-11-17
Serenity
And for once,
she stopped worrying and let the emotions come.
And she smiled.
And all was right with the world.
she stopped worrying and let the emotions come.
And she smiled.
And all was right with the world.
2010-11-16
Star night
The air was cold.
The sky was clear.
The stars were looking down on us.
And if only for a minute all our worries seemed to disappear.
(Photo from ajjlaa.blogg.se, Thank you)
2010-11-15
Facts
When you're faced with the world at its worst,
not even the area under a desk is a good hiding place.
not even the area under a desk is a good hiding place.
2010-11-14
The dragon, #2
One day when Paul was hard asleep in his laundry basket something that had never happened before happened.
The basket was knocked over. It fell down, and out with it fell Paul.
He woke up with a thud, not knowing what had happened. It felt very strange, because under his feet there was not the normal softness of the laundry basket, but something hard and cold. It had a strange colour as well. He looked around, and was shocked. His world had always been the laundry basket, suddenly it had grown to a size that he could not comprehend. He looked around again, trying to find a place that looked like home. In a corner he saw a pile of something that looked an awful lot like his laundry basket. It was a pile of clothes. He quickly ran over and buried himself. He did not want to look around, he did not want to see what was surrounding him, he just wanted his home back.
This new, big world was frightening. He wanted the familiarity and safety of his laundry basket back. He rolled up at the bottom of the pile furthest in the corner. Sobbing he cried himself to sleep in this new, scary world.
The basket was knocked over. It fell down, and out with it fell Paul.
He woke up with a thud, not knowing what had happened. It felt very strange, because under his feet there was not the normal softness of the laundry basket, but something hard and cold. It had a strange colour as well. He looked around, and was shocked. His world had always been the laundry basket, suddenly it had grown to a size that he could not comprehend. He looked around again, trying to find a place that looked like home. In a corner he saw a pile of something that looked an awful lot like his laundry basket. It was a pile of clothes. He quickly ran over and buried himself. He did not want to look around, he did not want to see what was surrounding him, he just wanted his home back.
This new, big world was frightening. He wanted the familiarity and safety of his laundry basket back. He rolled up at the bottom of the pile furthest in the corner. Sobbing he cried himself to sleep in this new, scary world.
2010-11-13
Time for bed
It's time to switch off the light.
To close the tired eyes, and let go.
Stop the thoughts from flowing,
allow the dreams to take over.
Hide from the world,
if only for a few hours.
Switch off the light.
This is what's been longed for all day.
Nightfall. Sleep. Escape.
Close your eyes, it's easier said than done.
Thoughts rushing through your head.
Want to sleep.
Don't want tomorrow to come.
Fighting the inner demons,
in an attempt to win.
Will fall asleep.
But too late.
Will wake up.
Too tired.
And so a new day begins.
And the cycle continues.
To close the tired eyes, and let go.
Stop the thoughts from flowing,
allow the dreams to take over.
Hide from the world,
if only for a few hours.
Switch off the light.
This is what's been longed for all day.
Nightfall. Sleep. Escape.
Close your eyes, it's easier said than done.
Thoughts rushing through your head.
Want to sleep.
Don't want tomorrow to come.
Fighting the inner demons,
in an attempt to win.
Will fall asleep.
But too late.
Will wake up.
Too tired.
And so a new day begins.
And the cycle continues.
2010-11-11
Homesick
You don't know how lucky you are.
You who can go home whenever you want to.
You who, if it becomes too much, can be home within a few hours.
I chose this.
This is my life.
But it doesn't make it any easier.
And it always strikes.
And it gets you bad.
And it makes you feel tiny.
I want to go home.
Now.
But I can't.
And it makes me very sad.
You who can go home whenever you want to.
You who, if it becomes too much, can be home within a few hours.
I chose this.
This is my life.
But it doesn't make it any easier.
And it always strikes.
And it gets you bad.
And it makes you feel tiny.
I want to go home.
Now.
But I can't.
And it makes me very sad.
2010-11-10
Fact of life
With too many thoughts to be able to say anything of my own I'm using someone else's words...
(http://stuffnoonetoldme.blogspot.com/)
2010-11-09
The sun has set
Trying to put words to my thoughts.
There's been many of them lately.
Loneliness. Without knowing why.
Confusion. Not knowing what's happening.
Fear. Of the unknown that is approaching.
Longing. There's something missing.
I look in the mirror, and see a set of grey eyes.
They're looking at me, questioning, wondering.
Doubting all that is me, all that I know.
As if saying, what are you doing with yourself?
Why and for whom?
I guess the question is:
Will it be worth it?
There's been many of them lately.
Loneliness. Without knowing why.
Confusion. Not knowing what's happening.
Fear. Of the unknown that is approaching.
Longing. There's something missing.
I look in the mirror, and see a set of grey eyes.
They're looking at me, questioning, wondering.
Doubting all that is me, all that I know.
As if saying, what are you doing with yourself?
Why and for whom?
I guess the question is:
Will it be worth it?
2010-11-07
Need a break
A used up milk carton.
A loud noise.
A phone call.
An incomplete essay.
It all builds up.
And eventually it all bursts.
Shaking.
Tears.
Into a corner.
Hiding.
Sometimes the world is too much.
A loud noise.
A phone call.
An incomplete essay.
It all builds up.
And eventually it all bursts.
Shaking.
Tears.
Into a corner.
Hiding.
Sometimes the world is too much.
2010-11-06
All Saints Day
Light a candle for someone you miss.
This is the day when we remember you.
We laugh at the jokes you once told,
and smile at the memories you gave us.
Light a candle for someone you love.
It will scatter the darkenss.
We close our eyes and see you in our minds,
and in our hearts we embrace you.
Light a candle today, it's that time of year.
(Photo by Ian Britton)
Utopia - yeah right
A place where everyone has enough.
Where no one is on the outskirts.
Where no one walks hungry.
Where everyones is heard.
Where everyone has shelter.
It doesn't have to be constant happiness.
Never ending sunshine.
Milk and cookies every day.
Fulfilling activities.
All smiles and laughter.
Somewhere where no one is afraid.
Where everyone is welcome.
Where there is no hyperventilation.
Where no one is hunted for their beliefs.
Where everyone can be the person they want to be.
If that could be possible.
A world where there is no suffering.
If that could be possible by me giving something up.
By you giving something up.
By us all giving something up.
Would you?
Would you give up your car for the sake of people having food?
Would you give up your summer vacation for the sake of people having shelter?
Would you give up your high-end shopping for the sake of people not being persecuted?
I would.
Where no one is on the outskirts.
Where no one walks hungry.
Where everyones is heard.
Where everyone has shelter.
It doesn't have to be constant happiness.
Never ending sunshine.
Milk and cookies every day.
Fulfilling activities.
All smiles and laughter.
Somewhere where no one is afraid.
Where everyone is welcome.
Where there is no hyperventilation.
Where no one is hunted for their beliefs.
Where everyone can be the person they want to be.
If that could be possible.
A world where there is no suffering.
If that could be possible by me giving something up.
By you giving something up.
By us all giving something up.
Would you?
Would you give up your car for the sake of people having food?
Would you give up your summer vacation for the sake of people having shelter?
Would you give up your high-end shopping for the sake of people not being persecuted?
I would.
2010-11-04
University
Sitting in bed, should move to the desk.
Looking out the window, should open my books.
Typing this, should write an essay.
Deadlines.
Right around the corner.
Cannot forumlate thoughts,
need 3000 words.
Essays.
Frustration.
Looking out the window, should open my books.
Typing this, should write an essay.
Deadlines.
Right around the corner.
Cannot forumlate thoughts,
need 3000 words.
Essays.
Frustration.
2010-11-02
I miss you
So I went to sleep, with the wish of seeing you in my dreams.
I see your smile and hear your voice.
I hide in your arms and never want to let go.
It feels safe, and comforting.
I never want to wake up.
When I'm awake all I have is your photo.
I dreamingly look at it, thinking of what could have been.
Thinking of the laughs and the journeys.
It makes me sad, we will never have that again.
I want to go back to sleep.
I turn back time in my sleeping state.
Return to a life when we weren't seperated.
We don't take it for granted, because I know I will have to wake up.
When the alarm goes off I curse my life as you disappear in front of my eyes.
Sometimes it's just not fair.
I see your smile and hear your voice.
I hide in your arms and never want to let go.
It feels safe, and comforting.
I never want to wake up.
When I'm awake all I have is your photo.
I dreamingly look at it, thinking of what could have been.
Thinking of the laughs and the journeys.
It makes me sad, we will never have that again.
I want to go back to sleep.
I turn back time in my sleeping state.
Return to a life when we weren't seperated.
We don't take it for granted, because I know I will have to wake up.
When the alarm goes off I curse my life as you disappear in front of my eyes.
Sometimes it's just not fair.
2010-11-01
2010-10-31
The dragon
There once was a little blue dragon called Paul.
Paul lived in the laundry basket of a family of four.
He could never leave the basket, he did not know how, and anyhow, the thought never crossed his mind.
Whenever the basket was empty he would try to make himself really small to not be seen.
It was very cold in the basket, and he would often wonder why he was there.
How had he ended up in this particular basket?
He did not know. As far as he could tell he had always been there.
Hiding in the dirty clothes, listening to the family.
He would sometimes hold onto something whenever the basket was emptied,
just so he could keep himself warm with something.
Since he had never met any other dragon, he did not know that he was supposed to be able to fly and to breathe fire.
He was a lonely little dragon in a laundry basket.
Paul lived in the laundry basket of a family of four.
He could never leave the basket, he did not know how, and anyhow, the thought never crossed his mind.
Whenever the basket was empty he would try to make himself really small to not be seen.
It was very cold in the basket, and he would often wonder why he was there.
How had he ended up in this particular basket?
He did not know. As far as he could tell he had always been there.
Hiding in the dirty clothes, listening to the family.
He would sometimes hold onto something whenever the basket was emptied,
just so he could keep himself warm with something.
Since he had never met any other dragon, he did not know that he was supposed to be able to fly and to breathe fire.
He was a lonely little dragon in a laundry basket.
2010-10-26
Academia
Arguments
formed into sentences
reading an opinion
making it my own
searching for the right word
finding the right word
realising it does not make any sense
oops
contradicting myself
need more words
great
too many words
rephrasing the start
shortening the end
how to phrase a four word idea in one
is it coherent
is it believable
deadline
essay
stress
panic
formed into sentences
reading an opinion
making it my own
searching for the right word
finding the right word
realising it does not make any sense
oops
contradicting myself
need more words
great
too many words
rephrasing the start
shortening the end
how to phrase a four word idea in one
is it coherent
is it believable
deadline
essay
stress
panic
2010-10-24
Family
My wonderful brother, best friend, you will always be there when I need you.
I've called you at 4am, and you pick up the phone.
I've made you laugh at my jokes, and listen to my problems.
My dear mum, never have you failed me.
I've left you behind so many times, but your arms are always open when I return.
I tell you everything, almost, and you never get sick of hearing my voice.
My amazing dad, you always make me laugh.
No one can pick me up like you can, all I need is to hear your voice.
I've forced you to be patient over and over again, and you haven't failed yet.
Not a day passes when I don't think about you.
Not a day passes without me wishing I could have both worlds right here.
I've made a choice.
But that doesn't mean I don't miss you.
Every day.
Every hour.
Every minute.
I've called you at 4am, and you pick up the phone.
I've made you laugh at my jokes, and listen to my problems.
My dear mum, never have you failed me.
I've left you behind so many times, but your arms are always open when I return.
I tell you everything, almost, and you never get sick of hearing my voice.
My amazing dad, you always make me laugh.
No one can pick me up like you can, all I need is to hear your voice.
I've forced you to be patient over and over again, and you haven't failed yet.
Not a day passes when I don't think about you.
Not a day passes without me wishing I could have both worlds right here.
I've made a choice.
But that doesn't mean I don't miss you.
Every day.
Every hour.
Every minute.
2010-10-22
Come sit in my chair
You know how you sit and look out the window at night?
Can I come and sit with you?
I know you cannot sleep,
do you want to not sleep together?
I have a green chair that I curl up in,
I could make space for one more.
We can look out the window together.
See the cars drive by.
Hear the rain towards the window.
Look at the leaves on the tree.
We wouldn't have to talk.
We would just sit and look out the window,
like we always do.
This time though,
we wouldn't be alone.
Can I come and sit with you?
I know you cannot sleep,
do you want to not sleep together?
I have a green chair that I curl up in,
I could make space for one more.
We can look out the window together.
See the cars drive by.
Hear the rain towards the window.
Look at the leaves on the tree.
We wouldn't have to talk.
We would just sit and look out the window,
like we always do.
This time though,
we wouldn't be alone.
2010-10-20
.
You know how you said that the reason that you rush through life is to make sure you get the most out of it?
I don't believe you.
You know how you said that the reason that you never look back is to make sure you don't live in the past?
I don't believe you.
I rush through life, because I'm scared that if I stop nothing will make sense.
I avoid looking back, because I don't want to be reminded of the horrors of the past.
We are given a life, and then it's up to us what we do with it. You can choose your own path, but we all start off at the same point. Then our mission is to get to the end.
I don't believe you.
The journey is the mission. And I'm trying really hard to not run.
I don't believe you.
You know how you said that the reason that you never look back is to make sure you don't live in the past?
I don't believe you.
I rush through life, because I'm scared that if I stop nothing will make sense.
I avoid looking back, because I don't want to be reminded of the horrors of the past.
We are given a life, and then it's up to us what we do with it. You can choose your own path, but we all start off at the same point. Then our mission is to get to the end.
I don't believe you.
The journey is the mission. And I'm trying really hard to not run.
2010-10-17
Again I go unnoticed
It's quiet. And I don't want to disrupt the silence.
They keep telling me it's not healthy.
But what do they know?
I close the curtains, and turn away from the world.
Dive into a different time, where it is warm.
Why is it so cold out there?
I hear the voices, of people trying to push in.
They want to take me out of my hole.
Does anyone see the pain?
I said I'm lonely. I said I'm scared.
The heavy words were shrugged off.
You should have taken me seriously.
They keep telling me it's not healthy.
But what do they know?
I close the curtains, and turn away from the world.
Dive into a different time, where it is warm.
Why is it so cold out there?
I hear the voices, of people trying to push in.
They want to take me out of my hole.
Does anyone see the pain?
I said I'm lonely. I said I'm scared.
The heavy words were shrugged off.
You should have taken me seriously.
2010-10-16
Farewell insecurity - for tonight
And I decided to ignore it. Because no matter how much I want to know what to do with my life, there's not much I can do about it right now.
And as I thought about it, I realised that I do know. Atleast for another couple of years. And does anyone really know what they'll be doing in a couple of years time?
And as I let go, a weight lifted from shoulders and I could stretch my back out again.
If only you knew how long ago it is I could stretch my back.
I fell asleep with a smile.
And the calm knowledge of atleast knowing what I'll be doing the coming years.
And as I thought about it, I realised that I do know. Atleast for another couple of years. And does anyone really know what they'll be doing in a couple of years time?
And as I let go, a weight lifted from shoulders and I could stretch my back out again.
If only you knew how long ago it is I could stretch my back.
I fell asleep with a smile.
And the calm knowledge of atleast knowing what I'll be doing the coming years.
2010-10-15
2010-10-12
Whispering in my head
There's this voice in my head, it keeps whispering to me.
It's telling me to work harder.
It's telling me to get more done.
It's telling me it won't be good enough.
It's telling me I'm going to fail.
And it scares me.
There's this voice in my head, it keeps whispering to me.
It's telling me that I'm all alone.
It's telling me that no one really cares.
It's telling me that nothing really matters.
It's telling me that I should run, as fast as I can.
And it scares me.
It's telling me to work harder.
It's telling me to get more done.
It's telling me it won't be good enough.
It's telling me I'm going to fail.
And it scares me.
There's this voice in my head, it keeps whispering to me.
It's telling me that I'm all alone.
It's telling me that no one really cares.
It's telling me that nothing really matters.
It's telling me that I should run, as fast as I can.
And it scares me.
2010-10-08
Power
As she was being swallowed by the world she thought of all those lonely nights that had been spent in darkness. She thought of the sadness she had felt, and the emptiness that had always embraced her. Not a day had gone by without her wondering what made her different. What made her sit alone on the bench, while everyone else seemed to be in pairs. She used to close her eyes and pretend, imagine that someone was sitting next to her. Sharing their life with her, their up's, their downs. She would take comfort in these moments, but as soon as she opened her eyes again she was reminded of the truth. She was abandoned by the world. Sitting alone, on her bench, with no one next to her. No on to talk to, no one to see her.
Cartoon taken from the wonderful blog Stuff No One Told me (but I learned anyway)
2010-10-06
My sanctuary
The silence is falling down on me.
The loudness of the day has past.
What used to be a cramped place with no places,
is now almost empty and ready to accommodate you.
Stress, anxiety, chatter, laughter, class discussions, were all here a few hours ago.
Now it's quiet, silent, calm.
People in here don't run anymore,
they slowly stroll down the aisles.
People no longer queue a life time for a coffee,
I just went straight up and asked for it.
The campus library.
In the evening.
It's my sanctuary.
The loudness of the day has past.
What used to be a cramped place with no places,
is now almost empty and ready to accommodate you.
Stress, anxiety, chatter, laughter, class discussions, were all here a few hours ago.
Now it's quiet, silent, calm.
People in here don't run anymore,
they slowly stroll down the aisles.
People no longer queue a life time for a coffee,
I just went straight up and asked for it.
The campus library.
In the evening.
It's my sanctuary.
2010-10-03
Moon
When the moon smiles down on you and his tears gently falls onto you from afar, you know that everything will be alright. Because as long as there's a moon, there's beauty in the world.(Picture taken from http://21stcenturywaves.com/tag/moon/)
2010-10-02
...
And there she stood. With a lonely heart, and a lost head. Trying to quiet the pain, trying to make the silence endure. Thoughts that were unwanted. Feelings that no one would believe. Her heartbeat grew faster, together with the scream from inside. Her legs would not move, but in her mind she was running as fast as she could. Escaping from life. Seeking nothing. Except something to dull the pain. If only for a minute.
Grandmother
She looks at me with her wise eyes,
kind, warm, loving.
She wrappes her wrinkly fingers around my hand,
gentle, soft, caring.
I look into her clear eyes,
they have always had traces of age,
atleast to me.
I hold onto her cold fingers,
they have always sent out strength,
atleast to me.
She would always look down on me,
patiently play game after game.
And I would laugh, and feel loved.
I now look down on her,
patiently listening to every word she says.
Sending out the message of happiness, and love.
It might be the last time I ever hear her voice...
This one is for you my beloved grandmother. Happy 86th birthday. I hope the end will never reach us.
kind, warm, loving.
She wrappes her wrinkly fingers around my hand,
gentle, soft, caring.
I look into her clear eyes,
they have always had traces of age,
atleast to me.
I hold onto her cold fingers,
they have always sent out strength,
atleast to me.
She would always look down on me,
patiently play game after game.
And I would laugh, and feel loved.
I now look down on her,
patiently listening to every word she says.
Sending out the message of happiness, and love.
It might be the last time I ever hear her voice...
This one is for you my beloved grandmother. Happy 86th birthday. I hope the end will never reach us.
2010-10-01
Rain
The green spaces look deserted.
Everyone hurrying past without looking up.
The water is making everyone wet.
It's peaceful.
The grey sky is covering us like a blanket.
Keeping us calm in a time of panic.
The normal depression that comes with it seems to be missing.
It's quiet.
Everyone hurrying past without looking up.
The water is making everyone wet.
It's peaceful.
The grey sky is covering us like a blanket.
Keeping us calm in a time of panic.
The normal depression that comes with it seems to be missing.
It's quiet.
2010-09-24
It only takes a moment
It only takes one moment, one second even.
And everything changes.
It only takes one blink of an eye, and I am back to where it all changed.
The memories etched into my head for all eternity.
People say we move on,
people say time heal all wounds.
My response?
Bullshit.
I close my eyes, and see your smile.
And I can't help but wonder,
it would all have been so different.
If you had stayed with us.
Things changed for all time that day.
One moment. Everything was perfect.
The next, it all went dark.
And everything changes.
It only takes one blink of an eye, and I am back to where it all changed.
The memories etched into my head for all eternity.
People say we move on,
people say time heal all wounds.
My response?
Bullshit.
I close my eyes, and see your smile.
And I can't help but wonder,
it would all have been so different.
If you had stayed with us.
Things changed for all time that day.
One moment. Everything was perfect.
The next, it all went dark.
Blood
Stop the bleeding, I cannot take it anymore.
The open wounds never heal, that's how it always has been.
We see people rush through life, not realsing we're one of them.
They say life is short, but who really knows?
Stop the bleeding, it's all becoming too much.
People say more things without using words.
I wish I could write music, it all makes more sense with tunes.
The sky is grey, please let the sunshine in.
Stop the bleeding, the world is nearing its end.
Cars driving fast, with selfish people filling the roads.
We don't look at each other, out of fear of what we might see.
The virtual world is more interesting, when it's not our emotions at stake.
Stop the bleeding, it's too painful.
The open wounds never heal, that's how it always has been.
We see people rush through life, not realsing we're one of them.
They say life is short, but who really knows?
Stop the bleeding, it's all becoming too much.
People say more things without using words.
I wish I could write music, it all makes more sense with tunes.
The sky is grey, please let the sunshine in.
Stop the bleeding, the world is nearing its end.
Cars driving fast, with selfish people filling the roads.
We don't look at each other, out of fear of what we might see.
The virtual world is more interesting, when it's not our emotions at stake.
Stop the bleeding, it's too painful.
2010-09-08
Don't break her
Without realising it,
without noticing,
without even considering it.
You are slowly breaking her.
Don't.
She's precious.
without noticing,
without even considering it.
You are slowly breaking her.
Don't.
She's precious.
2010-09-07
Complete joy
To hear the voice of a dear friend,
and hear the happy news she brings.
To hear her laugh of happiness,
when that hasn't been heard for so long.
To understand the shocked joy that has come over her,
and its significance.
It brings me complete joy,
and I couldn't be more proud.
and hear the happy news she brings.
To hear her laugh of happiness,
when that hasn't been heard for so long.
To understand the shocked joy that has come over her,
and its significance.
It brings me complete joy,
and I couldn't be more proud.
Autumn leaves
He was looking around the empty square.
Wondering where everybody was.
The town was as emtpy as his heart.
From where he was sitting he could see the church tower.
And the fountain that had been switched off.
To save water and energy?
Because it was getting too cold?
Or just because no one cared?
He took his eyes away from the dead fountain and looked down at his hands.
Thoughts rushing through is head.
Thoughts he didn't know if he wanted to think.
But sometimes you can't stop them, sometimes they came when you least expect it.
A cold wind came, the coloured leaves flew past him on their autumn journey.
He pulled his scarf tighter around his neck.
And he looked up, and met her eyes.
The cold wind grew warmer.
And at that moment,
everything was perfect.
Wondering where everybody was.
The town was as emtpy as his heart.
From where he was sitting he could see the church tower.
And the fountain that had been switched off.
To save water and energy?
Because it was getting too cold?
Or just because no one cared?
He took his eyes away from the dead fountain and looked down at his hands.
Thoughts rushing through is head.
Thoughts he didn't know if he wanted to think.
But sometimes you can't stop them, sometimes they came when you least expect it.
A cold wind came, the coloured leaves flew past him on their autumn journey.
He pulled his scarf tighter around his neck.
And he looked up, and met her eyes.
The cold wind grew warmer.
And at that moment,
everything was perfect.
2010-09-05
2010-09-04
Borrowing words from someone else
Sometimes when I sit down to write, I have this feeling that I want to send out. I know exactly what I want to write, but I just can't find the right words. This text though, which is a song by VNV Nation, puts words to so many feeling that I have. So this time, I am borrowing their words. Because there is just no better way to say it.
I know it's hard to tell how mixed up you feel
Hoping what you need is behind every door
Each time you get hurt, I don't want you to change
Because everyone has hopes, you're human after all
The feeling sometimes, wishing you were someone else
Feeling as though you never belong
This feeling is not sadness, this feeling is not joy
I truly understand, Please, don't cry now
Please don't go, I want you to stay
I'm begging you please, please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel
The world is just illusion trying to change you
Please don't go, I want you to stay
I'm begging you please, please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel
The world is just illusion trying to change you
Being like you are
Well this is something else, who would comprehend?
But some that do, lay claim that
Divine purpose blesses them
That's not what I believe, it doesn't matter anyway
A part of your soul ties you to the next world
Or maybe to the last, I'm still not sure
What I do know is, to use the world is different
As we are to the world but, I guess you would know that.
And just as I listen to the song a phone call from afar is recieved.
A phone call that makes it all seem alright.
Yes, you mean everything.
I know it's hard to tell how mixed up you feel
Hoping what you need is behind every door
Each time you get hurt, I don't want you to change
Because everyone has hopes, you're human after all
The feeling sometimes, wishing you were someone else
Feeling as though you never belong
This feeling is not sadness, this feeling is not joy
I truly understand, Please, don't cry now
Please don't go, I want you to stay
I'm begging you please, please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel
The world is just illusion trying to change you
Please don't go, I want you to stay
I'm begging you please, please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel
The world is just illusion trying to change you
Being like you are
Well this is something else, who would comprehend?
But some that do, lay claim that
Divine purpose blesses them
That's not what I believe, it doesn't matter anyway
A part of your soul ties you to the next world
Or maybe to the last, I'm still not sure
What I do know is, to use the world is different
As we are to the world but, I guess you would know that.
And just as I listen to the song a phone call from afar is recieved.
A phone call that makes it all seem alright.
Yes, you mean everything.
2010-09-01
A good day
The sun was shining. And the rain was pouring.
A hot cup of coffee.
A piece of delicious, unhealthy cake.
A sophisticated, but very good book.
In a café.
One of those quiet days when you let go, and allow yourself to take care of yourself.
Loud music,
from the playlist fittingly called happiness.
Dancing around in an empty house.
Dressed up in somthing else than the normal, boring uniform.
Some day's simple.
But precious.
A hot cup of coffee.
A piece of delicious, unhealthy cake.
A sophisticated, but very good book.
In a café.
One of those quiet days when you let go, and allow yourself to take care of yourself.
Loud music,
from the playlist fittingly called happiness.
Dancing around in an empty house.
Dressed up in somthing else than the normal, boring uniform.
Some day's simple.
But precious.
2010-08-30
It all begins somewhere
I look up, and see your eyes.
I go to sleep, and I hear your voice.
I close my eyes, and my head is on your shoulder.
The notion of what could have been.
The feeling of what is not.
Yes.
I miss you.
I go to sleep, and I hear your voice.
I close my eyes, and my head is on your shoulder.
The notion of what could have been.
The feeling of what is not.
Yes.
I miss you.
2010-08-16
Tomorrow is the day
The first day of spring.
Waking up in Christmas Eve.
A beautiful Midsummer's Day in June.
Or the evening before a trip to a paradise island.
The feeling is pretty sweet.
Calm.
Comforting.
Comfortable.
It's time to head off for the unending sunsets and home.
Waking up in Christmas Eve.
A beautiful Midsummer's Day in June.
Or the evening before a trip to a paradise island.
The feeling is pretty sweet.
Calm.
Comforting.
Comfortable.
It's time to head off for the unending sunsets and home.
2010-08-12
As it is
So I picked up my brain,
grabbed the feelings I had so long hidden,
put on my sun glasses,
and I walked away.
And decided not to stop.
grabbed the feelings I had so long hidden,
put on my sun glasses,
and I walked away.
And decided not to stop.
2010-08-11
One of those days....
It was one of days when the sun was shining, people were laughing and if only just for moment, the world seemed like a happly place.
We walked the cobblestoned streets. We looked at the people we met. We talked and discussed and laughed. If only for a moment, the world seemed always perfect.
It was one of those days when you realise that it is possible to be happy.
(Pitcture from http://1.bp.blogspot.com)
2010-08-09
How to live our lifes
There's something in this world that tells us how to be. It tells us how to act. How to react. It tells us what our lives should be like. From the time that we are able to understand the words that are told to us, we are told how life is supposed to be. We are told that we have to go to school. We have to have friends. We have to graduate high school. We have to meet a partner, preferably of the opposite sex. This someone we are supposed to fall headless in love with. Share our lives with, tell them our secrets and our dreams. We are supposed to become a union, one soul. And we are supposed to get jobs that leads to a career, and a home that leads to a family. This we are told as soon as we can take in the meaning of life.
But what if this doesn't happen? Is there something wrong with us? We are told how our lives are supposed to be so many times, for so long, that it becomes the truth. It becomes the only option. Therefore, when reality hits, and all those things that are supposed to come with it is lacking, we start to question. We start to wonder. Is this the true reality? Or is it only me? Is this the big lie in society? In the world. That everything we're told, everything we're taught, is not real. But then we look around, and realise that the world does look like we've been told. People live in pairs. People have their careers, and their families.
So I look around, and can't help but wonder. If that is how life is supposed to be, then what happened to me? Where did I get lost? In my searches for the answer, I think I've gotten lost. Running in circles, never knowing what to expect.
There is something in this world that tells us how to live. While sometimes it's good to ignore that voice and do your own thing, sometimes it's better to just shut up and follow the stream. It might just take you to your dream...
But what if this doesn't happen? Is there something wrong with us? We are told how our lives are supposed to be so many times, for so long, that it becomes the truth. It becomes the only option. Therefore, when reality hits, and all those things that are supposed to come with it is lacking, we start to question. We start to wonder. Is this the true reality? Or is it only me? Is this the big lie in society? In the world. That everything we're told, everything we're taught, is not real. But then we look around, and realise that the world does look like we've been told. People live in pairs. People have their careers, and their families.
So I look around, and can't help but wonder. If that is how life is supposed to be, then what happened to me? Where did I get lost? In my searches for the answer, I think I've gotten lost. Running in circles, never knowing what to expect.
There is something in this world that tells us how to live. While sometimes it's good to ignore that voice and do your own thing, sometimes it's better to just shut up and follow the stream. It might just take you to your dream...
2010-07-30
Do you hear them?
Two big eyes.
They look at you with sadness.
Hope is lost.
The small hands.
They no longer grasp for yours.
Strength is gone.
A withering world.
The screams in our ears.
Why is no one listening?
They look at you with sadness.
Hope is lost.
The small hands.
They no longer grasp for yours.
Strength is gone.
A withering world.
The screams in our ears.
Why is no one listening?
2010-07-21
When time passes
I think you've changed.
I know I've changed.
I'm afraid it won't be the same.
I just want to run and hide.
I know I've changed.
I'm afraid it won't be the same.
I just want to run and hide.
2010-07-18
Contemplating
A strange sadness.
No explanation.
Thinking of a past long gone.
Thinking of a windy present.
Thinking of a distant future.
Wondering. Contemplating.
What will become of me?
No explanation.
Thinking of a past long gone.
Thinking of a windy present.
Thinking of a distant future.
Wondering. Contemplating.
What will become of me?
Back at work
I walk in through the doors and see the empty front desk and as I walk through the almost epmty room people greet me with smiles and hello's.
I walk through the back, and stop by the board. The same routine as always, not much has changed since the first time I walked in.
The uniform is put on, some words are exchanged with colleagues that have become good friends.
Then, without no warning, the chaos enter. We run, we yell, we bump into each other. Everything has to be fast, correct and with a smile.
Can you go get some more carrots?!
I need fries! NOW!
Where the hell did my coke go?!
And as quickly as the chaos came, it disappears. And the quietness of an empty building comes in. We breathe, we laugh, we applaude our selves.
It's work. And no matter how much I complain about it, and how much I say I don't want to be there anymore. It's still work. And I love it.
I walk through the back, and stop by the board. The same routine as always, not much has changed since the first time I walked in.
The uniform is put on, some words are exchanged with colleagues that have become good friends.
Then, without no warning, the chaos enter. We run, we yell, we bump into each other. Everything has to be fast, correct and with a smile.
Can you go get some more carrots?!
I need fries! NOW!
Where the hell did my coke go?!
And as quickly as the chaos came, it disappears. And the quietness of an empty building comes in. We breathe, we laugh, we applaude our selves.
It's work. And no matter how much I complain about it, and how much I say I don't want to be there anymore. It's still work. And I love it.
2010-07-17
2010-07-14
2010-07-12
2010-07-11
S.T.O.P
The soil is scorched.
The leaves are crisp.
The world is brown.
You have to stop it.
The children are crying.
The women are screaming.
The men are running.
You have to stop it.
Turn to the east,
and see the despair.
Tur to the west,
and see the ignorance.
You have to stop it.
It will destroy us all.
The leaves are crisp.
The world is brown.
You have to stop it.
The children are crying.
The women are screaming.
The men are running.
You have to stop it.
Turn to the east,
and see the despair.
Tur to the west,
and see the ignorance.
You have to stop it.
It will destroy us all.
It's just a crush
The words still echo in my mind.
It's just a crush.
They went straight to my heart.
Apparently it wasn't important.
It meant nothing.
The words still cut my soul.
It's just a crush.
Does it not have to start somewhere?
Just one small step, to being with.
But apprently it did not mean anything.
The words still bring out a tear.
It's just a crush.
Not worthy of recognition.
An illusion of some sort.
It still hurts.
(Pitcture from http://lovegraphics.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/barbed-wire-heart.gif)
It's just a crush.
They went straight to my heart.
Apparently it wasn't important.
It meant nothing.
The words still cut my soul.
It's just a crush.
Does it not have to start somewhere?
Just one small step, to being with.
But apprently it did not mean anything.
The words still bring out a tear.
It's just a crush.
Not worthy of recognition.
An illusion of some sort.
It still hurts.
(Pitcture from http://lovegraphics.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/barbed-wire-heart.gif)
2010-07-10
It's life
Glasses with colourful drinks.The sun slowly moves across the sky.
Smoke from the bbq fills the air.
Voices are loud, and laughter is frequent.
Old friends, new friends.
Coming together at one of those rare occasions when they are all at the same place, at the same time.
It's summer, it's happiness.
It's laughter, it's memories.
It's comfort, it's catching up.
It's life, and it's beautiful.
(Picture from http://www.stugbasen.com/objekt/6581.jpg)
Thoughts in the summer night
You know that feeling. The one that kicks in when you ride home on your bike in the middle of the night after having spent a wonderful evening at your friends house. Or after having been to a dinner you never wanted to end. That feeling of belonging. And serenity. The moment it appears you cannot help but smile.
That is what I'm feeling. And it makes me sad. Because I know something, something that everyone else knows aswell. They know of the fact, I know of the feeling. The feeling of leaving. Again. And as I sit on my bike, roll down the hill and think that life is pretty good, I cannot shake that feeling. Questioning. Doubtful.
If life is so perfect at this moment, then why do I keep running away?
That is what I'm feeling. And it makes me sad. Because I know something, something that everyone else knows aswell. They know of the fact, I know of the feeling. The feeling of leaving. Again. And as I sit on my bike, roll down the hill and think that life is pretty good, I cannot shake that feeling. Questioning. Doubtful.
If life is so perfect at this moment, then why do I keep running away?
2010-07-09
People know me
People think they know me.
They are sure of who I am.
They look at me, and see a version that I've created.
Jumping around the world.
Never settling down.
Always on the move.
Ironic and sarcastic.
With a clear goal at heart.
I look in the mirror.
And wonder where it happened.
When I became this person.
People think they know me.
I have no idea who I am.
They are sure of who I am.
They look at me, and see a version that I've created.
Jumping around the world.
Never settling down.
Always on the move.
Ironic and sarcastic.
With a clear goal at heart.
I look in the mirror.
And wonder where it happened.
When I became this person.
People think they know me.
I have no idea who I am.
2010-07-05
Scared
I am scared.
To let you in.
To open the door, and tell you everything.
To hear you speak and know that it is everything.
I am scared.
To open up.
To let you see me, all of me.
To allow you to be that on special person.
I see the people around me.
The pain they suffer, the tears they cry.
I see their desperation, their dependence.
The look of panic when everything falls apart.
I don't think I can do that.
But I'm scared of being alone too...
To let you in.
To open the door, and tell you everything.
To hear you speak and know that it is everything.
I am scared.
To open up.
To let you see me, all of me.
To allow you to be that on special person.
I see the people around me.
The pain they suffer, the tears they cry.
I see their desperation, their dependence.
The look of panic when everything falls apart.
I don't think I can do that.
But I'm scared of being alone too...
2010-06-23
Nothing
A swift breeze.
That's all it takes.
To make me wish for home.
A longer blink.
More isn't requiered.
To make me see home.
A passing thought.
It doesn't take much.
To make me smile at what is ahead.
That's all it takes.
To make me wish for home.
A longer blink.
More isn't requiered.
To make me see home.
A passing thought.
It doesn't take much.
To make me smile at what is ahead.
2010-06-20
There comes a time
There comes a time when you just want it to end.
You are having so much fun, but you are tired.
You do not wake up anymore to enjoy the day,
you wake up so that the day will pass and a new night soon will come.
And with that night, a new day, and so on.
There comes a time when you just have had enough.
When all you want is to move on.
You no longer see the fun in what you are doing,
you see it as a means to an end.
That end being time moving on faster so it all will end.
There comes a time like this,
when you try so hard to not think about what is ahead.
When you tell yourself to enjoy what is now, because soon it will be gone.
There comes a time when you just want it all to end.
When you just have had enough.
You are having so much fun, but you are tired.
You do not wake up anymore to enjoy the day,
you wake up so that the day will pass and a new night soon will come.
And with that night, a new day, and so on.
There comes a time when you just have had enough.
When all you want is to move on.
You no longer see the fun in what you are doing,
you see it as a means to an end.
That end being time moving on faster so it all will end.
There comes a time like this,
when you try so hard to not think about what is ahead.
When you tell yourself to enjoy what is now, because soon it will be gone.
There comes a time when you just want it all to end.
When you just have had enough.
2010-06-17
Staring into the future
I am sitting staring into my future. Not really knowing what I'm looking at. It's blurry, and kind of dark. I've always known what I want to do. It has changed a lot over the years, but I've always known. Now I am becoming unsecure. I am staring into my options, and I don't know. I just don't know.
It was all under control. I knew where I was going.
Then a voice entered my head. Those stupid voices.
And suddenly, it's not so clear anymore.
I just wish it could be easy.
But I don't think that will ever happen....
It was all under control. I knew where I was going.
Then a voice entered my head. Those stupid voices.
And suddenly, it's not so clear anymore.
I just wish it could be easy.
But I don't think that will ever happen....
2010-06-15
Paradise
A comment on facebook.
A photo from a different time.
Memories flooding back.
Those were the days when we ate pizza in the sunset.
When we did homework for hours and hours.
When we would go the golf course and laugh all day long.
A comment on facebook.
It opened a door.
To a different life.
We lived the simple life.
We were kids.
We were by the sea in the sunshine.
A comment on facebook.
All feelings came back.
How I want to watch that sunset again...
A photo from a different time.
Memories flooding back.
Those were the days when we ate pizza in the sunset.
When we did homework for hours and hours.
When we would go the golf course and laugh all day long.
A comment on facebook.
It opened a door.
To a different life.
We lived the simple life.
We were kids.
We were by the sea in the sunshine.
A comment on facebook.
All feelings came back.
How I want to watch that sunset again...
It's going so fast
The road stretches out in front of her.
It seems to never end.
When it finally seems to be over, a turn is made, and there is a new long stretch of emptiness.
Insecurity.
Fear.
Future?
The car is going faster.
Can't find the break.
Want to get out.
Now.
Stress.
Breathelss.
Future.
It seems to never end.
When it finally seems to be over, a turn is made, and there is a new long stretch of emptiness.
Insecurity.
Fear.
Future?
The car is going faster.
Can't find the break.
Want to get out.
Now.
Stress.
Breathelss.
Future.
2010-06-04
The feeling
Waking up in a boiling room.
Eating sour milk with blueberries.
Reading the morning paper about library opening hours and other non-intersting things that has happened in the small town.
Listening to the rain while sitting in the giant sofa.
Having the coffee ready when mum comes home from work.
Playing with the neighbour cat.
Picking rhubarb in the garden on a wet morning.
Watching the classics on TV that reminds of a past childhood.
The feeling of being home is soon here.
And I cannot wait.
Eating sour milk with blueberries.
Reading the morning paper about library opening hours and other non-intersting things that has happened in the small town.
Listening to the rain while sitting in the giant sofa.
Having the coffee ready when mum comes home from work.
Playing with the neighbour cat.
Picking rhubarb in the garden on a wet morning.
Watching the classics on TV that reminds of a past childhood.
The feeling of being home is soon here.
And I cannot wait.
2010-05-15
When it hits
It comes when you least expect it.
Sometimes months ahead.
Sometimes hours.
But it always hits, that you can count on.
The feeling of wanting to go home,
mixed with the feeling of not knowing when you will come back.
The feeling of finally moving on,
mixed with the feeling of never wanting to leave.
It comes when you least expect it.
And when it hits.
It hits you hard.
Sometimes months ahead.
Sometimes hours.
But it always hits, that you can count on.
The feeling of wanting to go home,
mixed with the feeling of not knowing when you will come back.
The feeling of finally moving on,
mixed with the feeling of never wanting to leave.
It comes when you least expect it.
And when it hits.
It hits you hard.
2010-05-14
Going home
She looks at the sun. How it warms her heart. She turns her head, takes in the view. Puts a sad smile on her face.
She's leaving.
She breaths the air. How familiar it feels in her lungs. She lets the air out, takes in the view. With a feeling of a drizzling summer rain.
She's going home.
She's leaving.
She breaths the air. How familiar it feels in her lungs. She lets the air out, takes in the view. With a feeling of a drizzling summer rain.
She's going home.
2010-05-03
Stop
Silently they walked across the sea.
Trying to find their way home.
Wandering souls, carrying the burden of wisdom.
Quietly they stepped onto land.
Seeking their path to belonging.
Leaving fire and storm behind.
Loudly they knock on your door.
Wishing for nothing but justice.
Hoping for nothing but life.
Soon they will scream.
As their number grows stronger.
As the crusades continue.
Only you have the power to help them.
The wandering souls.
Trying to find their way home.
Wandering souls, carrying the burden of wisdom.
Quietly they stepped onto land.
Seeking their path to belonging.
Leaving fire and storm behind.
Loudly they knock on your door.
Wishing for nothing but justice.
Hoping for nothing but life.
Soon they will scream.
As their number grows stronger.
As the crusades continue.
Only you have the power to help them.
The wandering souls.
2010-04-27
And so it came
And so it came.
The feeling that had been chased away for so long.
The sadness and sorrow.
The longing and loneliness.
The devestation and destruction.
And so it came.
The feeling that had not been present for so long.
The need to hide.
To run.
To return.
And so it came.
The feeling that had been supressed for so long.
Lost in a world that is too big.
The feeling that had been chased away for so long.
The sadness and sorrow.
The longing and loneliness.
The devestation and destruction.
And so it came.
The feeling that had not been present for so long.
The need to hide.
To run.
To return.
And so it came.
The feeling that had been supressed for so long.
Lost in a world that is too big.
2010-04-24
Saying good bye
She closed the door and sighed. It was quiet all around here. She thought of the day she'd had. The weeks. The months. A sad smile spread on her lips. It had been amazing. Sunshine. Wind. Rain. Storms. Mountains. Coast. Rainforest. Desert. Friends. People who made life worth living. People who made her get up in the morning and face it all. Once again, she had found a place on earth.
Three weeks left.
Good bye's. Departure. Seperation.
The smile turned into tears.
Time to face the end, once again...
Three weeks left.
Good bye's. Departure. Seperation.
The smile turned into tears.
Time to face the end, once again...
Don't care
You talk.
I listen.
Words are said.
They seem important.
You're excited.
I couldn't care less.
I listen.
Words are said.
They seem important.
You're excited.
I couldn't care less.
2010-04-22
Hit by the heat
Looked out the window.
Saw an empty sky.
With a blazing sun.
The trees are full of blue flowers.
The ground is as burned as it ever gets.
I wish I could hide in the fridge.
Saw an empty sky.
With a blazing sun.
The trees are full of blue flowers.
The ground is as burned as it ever gets.
I wish I could hide in the fridge.
The walking snow cone
It was quiet when she turned off her brain.
Leaned backward, and saw what she'd been longing for.
A giant walking snow cone.
The heat was killing her.
Leaned backward, and saw what she'd been longing for.
A giant walking snow cone.
The heat was killing her.
The empty paper
She was staring at the empty paper. It was screaming to her. Emptiness. Loneliness. Longing. She was staring at the empty paper. And saw herself. How she herself had been emptied of everything, without really knowing how it had happened. The empty paper used to be filled so easily, so quickly. With a small movement, and there it was. The thoughts, the pen, the words. The flowed like a creek in springtime. She used to have thoughts. Weird. Warm. Exciting. Challenging. Old. Familiar. New. But now they were gone. The emptiness have taken over. The words are forced. Uncomfortably. She stared at the paper. And without knowing when, or how, she knew. She knew that somewhere along the road she had lost herself. Focus had ended up in the wrong place. Fatigue that had taken over. Free time filled with forced rest to have the strength to deal. The brain is being filled with knowledge. But is not challenged with other things. She thought she was on the right track. She thought this was the big thing. She looks at the empty paper. And wonders where she has gone.
Taking back my self
I used to write all the time. Short stories. Poems. Random texts about nothing and everything. The words would just come to me. I would sit down. Grab my pen, and write. I loved it, every second. It was like disappearing into a different world. A world where I made the decisions and controlled the outcomes. Although I many, many times did not have as much control over the pen as I thought I did. It would often grab hold of me and not let go until it had gotten its say. Short stories rarely turned out as I had planned. Poems usually took a weird twist at the end. To just let go of myself like that was wonderful. Escape from the daily routine. The daily life. The world. When I started university a two years ago I lost that. Writing became a chore. Not that I study writing, or English or anything like that. I study international relations. Which means that we write essays. We analyse why the world is as it is, and we write essays about it. Long, tiresome essays. And writing lost its fun. So did reading. I read so much for my classes, and wrote so much, that when I had a spare minute I was too tired to open a book or grab a pen. I've hardly written anything in two years. I miss it. Terribly. It's a good way to vent. Get everything out. Thoughts. Ideas. Speculations. So I am going to get it back. The fun in writing. I might have to force myself in the beginning. Pull out the words. But I'm hoping this will help. Have a place where I can write.
First entry. And as of entry two, I will write again. Write in the way that I miss so much.
First entry. And as of entry two, I will write again. Write in the way that I miss so much.
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