A fool's hope

I was going to write about how everything is heading in the wrong direction. How quickly things change. But also how slow and cruel the process is. I don't wish that my mum would die. I wish that she would live a long, healthy life and grow to be 100 years old. Be part of that new generation that lives so long that they're a burden for society for so many years that we will complain about her and wonder how on earth will my generation be able to pay for her retirement. I would love for that to happen.

But that's not going to happen. And I am slowly, and against my will, starting to realise that. I almost wrote come to terms with. But that would be the biggest lie of my life. I will never come to terms with that. Realisations is hard enough. I don't want to realise that.

Instead of getting to live until she's 100, she is being put through hell by her own body. It's attacking her from the inside. And it's absolutely horrible to watch. And terrifying. One of the strongest people I know is fighthing for her life. And they've told us it's a hopeless fight.

I'm starting to think we have less time than I want to think about. A world without my mum? Impossible. Surely.

They keep saying there's lots of research. And that advances are made every day. I am putting my faith in your hands. Even though I'm pretty much out of hope. What is it Gandalf said? "There was never much hope. Just a fool's hope."