She's not the same

I miss my mum. I miss the person she was before she got ill. I miss going on speed walks in the forest with her. I miss going shopping for hours and hours with her. I miss playing golf with her. She was such an active person before this evil happened to her. Before her body got invaded by something hostile. She is the kind of person who loves going on long walks. She wants to hike up mountains. Instead she is being attacked by her own body. And it hurts so much to watch. Because while she in so many ways still is the same amazing, wonderful, strong mum that she's always been. She is also disappearing. The spark in her eyes are gone. The strength in her steps. My brother used to complain that my mum and I were walking too fast. Always long steps at a high pace, wherever we were going. Now we have all slowed down. And I miss her taking initiative. And doing things. I miss hearing her excited about something. I miss hearing her plan their dream trip to Nepal.



Why the hell is this happening to us????? I want to throw something. I want to scream. I want to yell at someone to stop doing this to us. I wish there was someone to blame. Someone I could beat the living crap out of for doing this to us. But there isn't. It's just this stupid fucked up world.