Let's not start a new chapter

For once,
I am quite relieved that I'm not the one leaving.
It feels safe, calming,
and very, very nice.
It's a feeling I haven't had before,
and I'm surprised at how at ease with it I actually am.
There isn't a single bone in my body that tells me that I want to move on.
I think of the fact that I'm staying put,
and I exhale in comfort and relief.
I'm not starting a new chapter,
and I love it.

Constant headache

Take away the sensation inside
Bitter sweet migraine in my head
Its like a throbbing toothache of the mind
I can't take this feeling anymore

Drain the pressure from the swelling,
This sensation's overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing
So give me Novacaine

Out of body and out of mind
Kiss the demons out of my dreams
I get the funny feeling, that’s alright
Jimmy says its better than air,
I’ll tell you what

Drain the pressure from the swelling,
This sensation's overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing,
So give me Novacaine

Wash it off

Sometimes a walk in the rain is just what you need.

Shame it's not raining...

Realisation

And no,
I have nothing to say to you either.

Rambling

It's never easy to reshape the way you think.
You're way of thinking is who you are,
for better or for worse.
To re-learn how to think is a tiresome adventure,
a path I'm not sure I'm ready to walk.
But I don't think I have any other options.
It's like learning a new language,
without a proper book to learn from.
And I hate learning new langauges,
I love knowing them
I hate learning them.
Always have.
And now I have to learn a new language,
not out of want or desire,
but out of necessity.
I wish there was a book,
similar to my French grammar book lying in front of me.
A guide to take me through the steps.
Where do I start?
Basic vocab and present tense verbs is always the starting point it seems,
but what would the equivalent be when it is me I am re-learning?
I already have a language to think in,
I actually have five.
But none of them seem to work right now,
as I still end up thinking in the same manner as before.
Instead I find myself having endless discussions with myself,
and trust me, that's not very interesting or pleasent.
Usually it goes something along the lines of:
"God I'm stupid."
"No you're not. Stop saying stupid things like that."
"Fine, but I'm still stupid even if I don't say it."
"But you're not. So stop it. Stop being so stupid!"
"Ha! Told you! I AM stupid."
But on the rare occassion I manage to trick myself into believing the world isn't a dark, horrible place I actually do see the stars in the sky and the sunshine in the raindrops.
So maybe these tiring conversations is what I need,
maybe I have all the sufficient language for it.
I mean, it doesn't matter which language I say it in,
it's still the same thoughts.
Debate.
Discuss.
Speak your mind.
Let it out.
Listen to it.
Contemplate.
Take it in.
Take the other side.
Push yourself,
because no one ever said it was easy to be sane.

Hide

When the silence gets to be too much,
go asleep and escape from it all.

Nice combination

Sunshine in the rain.
That usually means a good day is in the making.

Born this way

It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
'cause you were Born This Way, Baby

My mama told me when I was young
We are all born superstars

She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudoir

"There's nothing wrong with loving who you are"
She said, "'Cause he made you perfect, babe"

"So hold your head up girl and you'll go far,
Listen to me when I say"

I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Oh there ain't no other way
Baby I was born this way
Baby I was born this way
Oh there ain't no other way
Baby I was born-
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Give yourself prudence
And love your friends
Subway kid, rejoice your truth

In the religion of the insecure
I must be my self, respect my youth

A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M (Hey hey hey)
I love my life I love this record and
Mi amore vole fe yah (Love needs faith)

Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Whether you're broke or evergreen
You're black, white, beige, chola descent
You're Lebanese, you're orient
Whether life's disabilities
Left you outcast, bullied, or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
'cause baby you were born this way

No matter gay, straight, or bi,
lesbian, transgendered life,
I'm on the right track baby,
I was born to survive.
No matter black, white or beige
Chola or orient made,
I'm on the right track baby,
I was born to be brave.

I was born this way hey!
I was born this way hey!
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way hey!

Lady Gaga does make perfect sense somedays :)