Things you don't think about

I went to a colleagues surprise leaving party tonight. It was lovely and lots of fun. Since I work at the same place as my mum, and we share the same colleagues this man is obviously her colleague to. I know it broke her heart slightly not being able to have been there. They had their offices next to each other and were very close. Throughout the evening I found myself thinking that she should be there instead of me. Something else I realised, which makes me incredibly sad, is that my mum won't get a leaving party. She is not coming back to work. She is terminally ill. But you don't throw a leaving party for someone who has left due to illness. That would be morbid and very odd. But it's sad. She won't get the speeches. The appreciation. The 'we will miss you'. I've never thought about that before. But today it hit me, and I almost had to walk out in the middle of a speech because I almost lost it. I didn't. But I'm doing it now instead.

She's not getting a leaving party. And that hurts more than I ever thought was possible.