The dragon

There once was a little blue dragon called Paul.
Paul lived in the laundry basket of a family of four.
He could never leave the basket, he did not know how, and anyhow, the thought never crossed his mind.
Whenever the basket was empty he would try to make himself really small to not be seen.
It was very cold in the basket, and he would often wonder why he was there.
How had he ended up in this particular basket?
He did not know. As far as he could tell he had always been there.
Hiding in the dirty clothes, listening to the family.
He would sometimes hold onto something whenever the basket was emptied,
just so he could keep himself warm with something.
Since he had never met any other dragon, he did not know that he was supposed to be able to fly and to breathe fire.

He was a lonely little dragon in a laundry basket.

Academia

Arguments
formed into sentences
reading an opinion
making it my own
searching for the right word
finding the right word
realising it does not make any sense
oops
contradicting myself
need more words
great
too many words
rephrasing the start
shortening the end
how to phrase a four word idea in one
is it coherent
is it believable

deadline
essay
stress
panic

Family

My wonderful brother, best friend, you will always be there when I need you.
I've called you at 4am, and you pick up the phone.
I've made you laugh at my jokes, and listen to my problems.

My dear mum, never have you failed me.
I've left you behind so many times, but your arms are always open when I return.
I tell you everything, almost, and you never get sick of hearing my voice.

My amazing dad, you always make me laugh.
No one can pick me up like you can, all I need is to hear your voice.
I've forced you to be patient over and over again, and you haven't failed yet.

Not a day passes when I don't think about you.
Not a day passes without me wishing I could have both worlds right here.
I've made a choice.
But that doesn't mean I don't miss you.
Every day.
Every hour.
Every minute.

Run

There's always an escape route.

Come sit in my chair

You know how you sit and look out the window at night?
Can I come and sit with you?
I know you cannot sleep,
do you want to not sleep together?
I have a green chair that I curl up in,
I could make space for one more.
We can look out the window together.
See the cars drive by.
Hear the rain towards the window.
Look at the leaves on the tree.
We wouldn't have to talk.
We would just sit and look out the window,
like we always do.

This time though,
we wouldn't be alone.

Life

It's like balancing on the edge, always being afraid to fall.

.

You know how you said that the reason that you rush through life is to make sure you get the most out of it?
I don't believe you.

You know how you said that the reason that you never look back is to make sure you don't live in the past?
I don't believe you.

I rush through life, because I'm scared that if I stop nothing will make sense.
I avoid looking back, because I don't want to be reminded of the horrors of the past.

We are given a life, and then it's up to us what we do with it. You can choose your own path, but we all start off at the same point. Then our mission is to get to the end.
I don't believe you.

The journey is the mission. And I'm trying really hard to not run.

Again I go unnoticed

It's quiet. And I don't want to disrupt the silence.
They keep telling me it's not healthy.
But what do they know?

I close the curtains, and turn away from the world.
Dive into a different time, where it is warm.
Why is it so cold out there?

I hear the voices, of people trying to push in.
They want to take me out of my hole.
Does anyone see the pain?

I said I'm lonely. I said I'm scared.
The heavy words were shrugged off.
You should have taken me seriously.

Farewell insecurity - for tonight

And I decided to ignore it. Because no matter how much I want to know what to do with my life, there's not much I can do about it right now.

And as I thought about it, I realised that I do know. Atleast for another couple of years. And does anyone really know what they'll be doing in a couple of years time?

And as I let go, a weight lifted from shoulders and I could stretch my back out again.
If only you knew how long ago it is I could stretch my back.

I fell asleep with a smile.
And the calm knowledge of atleast knowing what I'll be doing the coming years.

Facts

When you see pink elephants in the street, it's time to make sure you get some proper sleep.

Whispering in my head

There's this voice in my head, it keeps whispering to me.
It's telling me to work harder.
It's telling me to get more done.
It's telling me it won't be good enough.
It's telling me I'm going to fail.

And it scares me.

There's this voice in my head, it keeps whispering to me.
It's telling me that I'm all alone.
It's telling me that no one really cares.
It's telling me that nothing really matters.
It's telling me that I should run, as fast as I can.

And it scares me.

Power

As she was being swallowed by the world she thought of all those lonely nights that had been spent in darkness. She thought of the sadness she had felt, and the emptiness that had always embraced her. Not a day had gone by without her wondering what made her different. What made her sit alone on the bench, while everyone else seemed to be in pairs. She used to close her eyes and pretend, imagine that someone was sitting next to her. Sharing their life with her, their up's, their downs. She would take comfort in these moments, but as soon as she opened her eyes again she was reminded of the truth. She was abandoned by the world. Sitting alone, on her bench, with no one next to her. No on to talk to, no one to see her.



Cartoon taken from the wonderful blog Stuff No One Told me (but I learned anyway)

My sanctuary

The silence is falling down on me.
The loudness of the day has past.
What used to be a cramped place with no places,
is now almost empty and ready to accommodate you.

Stress, anxiety, chatter, laughter, class discussions, were all here a few hours ago.
Now it's quiet, silent, calm.

People in here don't run anymore,
they slowly stroll down the aisles.
People no longer queue a life time for a coffee,
I just went straight up and asked for it.

The campus library.
In the evening.
It's my sanctuary.

Moon

When the moon smiles down on you and his tears gently falls onto you from afar, you know that everything will be alright. Because as long as there's a moon, there's beauty in the world.

(Picture taken from http://21stcenturywaves.com/tag/moon/)

...

And there she stood. With a lonely heart, and a lost head. Trying to quiet the pain, trying to make the silence endure. Thoughts that were unwanted. Feelings that no one would believe. Her heartbeat grew faster, together with the scream from inside. Her legs would not move, but in her mind she was running as fast as she could. Escaping from life. Seeking nothing. Except something to dull the pain. If only for a minute.

Grandmother

She looks at me with her wise eyes,
kind, warm, loving.
She wrappes her wrinkly fingers around my hand,
gentle, soft, caring.

I look into her clear eyes,
they have always had traces of age,
atleast to me.

I hold onto her cold fingers,
they have always sent out strength,
atleast to me.

She would always look down on me,
patiently play game after game.
And I would laugh, and feel loved.

I now look down on her,
patiently listening to every word she says.
Sending out the message of happiness, and love.

It might be the last time I ever hear her voice...


This one is for you my beloved grandmother. Happy 86th birthday. I hope the end will never reach us.

Rain

The green spaces look deserted.
Everyone hurrying past without looking up.
The water is making everyone wet.

It's peaceful.

The grey sky is covering us like a blanket.
Keeping us calm in a time of panic.
The normal depression that comes with it seems to be missing.

It's quiet.